


The Sin That Gives

by 21CrumbledShadows12



Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Betrayal, Drunk Sex, Eden's Gate, F/F, F/M, Family Drama, Family Feels, Fluff and Smut, Heartbreak, Holly - Freeform, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Lawyers, Lesbian Sex, Lies, Long time in the making, Love, M/M, Making Out, Marriage, Mind Control, Oral Sex, Sexting, Sibling Rivalry, Smut, Unrequited Lust
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2018-11-30
Packaged: 2019-09-02 10:38:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 26,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16785292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/21CrumbledShadows12/pseuds/21CrumbledShadows12
Summary: “I love you.” He muttered, she made a noise in response. His eyebrows furrowing when he felt a wetness drip onto his pectoral, he drew away from her to see tears streaming down her face. Concern immediately overwhelmed him, he grabbed her shoulder with his hand and brought her closer if possible. “Are you okay?” She nodded her head, meeting his gaze with bleary eyes.“Yeah, I’m sorry John. It’s just, I’ve never felt so loved like I do with you.” He couldn’t help but smile at that, he cupped her face and pressed his forehead to hers. “I love you. I don’t know what I would do without you, you’re all I have. I can’t lose you.” He shook his head at her words, pecking her swollen lips.“You won’t lose me, I’m gonna be here forever.”“You promise?” She sniffled, she had lost too many people in her life.“Yes, I swear it.”





	1. The Beginning before the End

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has been something I have been working on for a long time and I just never felt the desire to publish it, but here we go. It might be stupid to you guys and a little confusing, but give me all the feedback you can. I am all ears.

He ushered himself into the apartment, the door slamming behind him. She could feel the anger coursing through him, rumbling up in his body with no escape. Steadily she placed her paperwork down, she had decided to work in the living room after taking a much needed shower and throwing on her pajamas. Her brown hair a shade darker as it dried in a messy bun, her vibrantly green eyes looking through golden glasses down at closures and hearing dates. She took a deep breath, her ears picking up the sound of his expensive leather dress shoes hitting the hardwood floor as he stomped around in the kitchen. He threw his keys onto the counter, searched through the cabinets for their shared bottle of scotch. 

She closed her eyes and removed her reading glasses, rubbing her eyes as she did so. John Duncan was a good man, a strong and determined man that somehow she had fallen in love with. She knew about his past as much as much as she knew about her right hand. She knew about his rage and about his pain, she shared that with him on many occasions and it was what bonded them together. They had been together for well over seven years. Through college and law school, dating shortly after and then now. Now they owned a firm together, a firm built off of their hard earned cash and not off of the Duncan family fortune. They had always been together through thick and thin, so it didn’t take her a single second to figure out what he needed. 

She stood up and turned just as he was passing through the living room that carried into the hall. She stepped out in front of him, his light blue eyes syncing with her soul as they met her own. She held her hands out in front of him, right over his chest and she didn’t say a word. They were conversing with one another, but not with words, for John and Elise there were no words needed in a situation like this. 

_**Bad day at work.** _

__

_**Me too.** _

__

_**I really need some release.** _

__

_**Me too.** _

No need for words, just each other. She stepped forward, only just eye level with his collarbone. He tilted his head down, still holding eye contact. Her palms made contact with his black button up vest, the blue shirt beneath it stretching over seas and seas of muscle. He brought his nose down into her scalp, a silent exchange of love and adoration. She had once seen the anger in his eyes and now she knew that it had settled to a dull calmness. Her fingers clenched around the straps of his vest, biting her bottom lip with anticipation. The bottle of scotch falling from his hand and plummeting to the hardwood floor with a clash. 

“Fuck me, John. Fuck me hard.” He wasted no time in appeasing her request, not so much a request when it came to either of them saying something so demanding. He pushed her back till she was against the crimson painted wall. Her feet cutting on the glass and the sting of the scotch burning at the newly made cuts. His lips met hers with an urgency that wasn’t new to either of them. His hands roughly grabbing her hips and forcing her small stature to sit between his legs. Their hips moved together as if in a dance, grinding against one another and turning them into heaving puddles of arousal. 

Their lips tearing each other apart, devouring one another whole. Her hands gently tugging at the buttons of his vest and shirt. He grew impatient, placing his hands over hers and forcing her hands to snatch at the cloth of his clothing and rip open the button up and vest. Buttons flew around the room, ticking as they hit the floor. Her hands freely roamed his chest, over the black hairs that resided there. He loved it when she would drag her French manicure across his skin, leave scratches and red marks that bled. He liked paying for it too. She had plenty of money to pay for it herself, but no, he took pleasure in buying her expensive things. Like the lingerie he was about to rip off her body as he fucked her into oblivion. 

He started with her shirt, while she teased at his belt and tried to undo it. As he slid the shirt up her body, lifting her arms in the process, he was kissing down her neck. Kissing all the creamy skin his lips could touch, nipping and viciously drawing blood that he could taste. He wanted more and more and she could never stop giving. He ripped the black lace she was wearing, licking his lips as he feasted on her breasts. She rolled her hips upwards into the bulge beneath his taut pants and threw her head back with a moan. 

“Yes! Yes, John!” Oh how he loved that word. He would say it to anything, he would say it right now if he wasn’t so lost in the whole excitement. Sex made him forget and since today was so bad, she wanted him to be happy John and forget it. When John was happy, he was sweet and soft, mostly leading to gentle sex. God forbid he ever be mad, that was when he would roughly take her like now. She knew what he needed and she didn’t care if she wanted it, she did, as long as he was happy in the end that was all that mattered. 

He lifted her up with his strong arms, her own raveling around his neck, so sweaty and thick and strong. God he was so fucking strong. His bicep was probably the size of her head if she was being realistic. He carried her down the hall, straight to their bedroom, which allowed them a perfect view of the city. He threw her onto their huge, four post bed - directly imported from France, John would say. She bounced on it for a moment before he was on her, thrusting his clothed hips against her and groaning with want.

She reached down hastily and snapped undone the button of his pants and rolling the zipper down. She bit her bottom lip and met his dark gaze, teasing him as she held his attention and teasing him as she reached in his briefs and pulled out his hard cock.

“I’m gonna fuck you into this mattress.” There he goes. It was kind of odd how he wasn’t talking, usually he was so vocal in bed that his voice would go hoarse. Today must have been a day for him. He ripped her shorts down her legs, growling as he did so and purposely gripping her thigh hard enough to bruise. He didn’t waste time, positioning himself between her legs he grabbed her hips and rutted his cock into her heat. If his hands didn’t have such a tight grip on her she would have arched upwards from the bed. 

She moaned loudly, yelling ‘yes’ as much as she could and urging him to be ‘rougher, harder, faster’. 

“Yeah, you like that don’t you, you little slut?”

“I’m your little slut.” She smiled as he fucked her harder, grinning and grunting as he became more forceful. Sliding in and out of her with such ease, but being pulled in with such a tight fit. She grabbed his hand and slid it up her body, straight to her neck, where he applied a certain amount of pressure. He used the curling of his fingers and her neck as a type of brace that snapped his hips forward that much faster. Her body being bounced off of his dick, the sound of skin slapping skin. The covers covered in sweat and sex. He pressed his forehead to hers, exchanging breathes and sharing their pleasure through the soul.

“I’m almost there, John.”

“Wait!”

“Please John! I need to cum for you!” She whined, he loved that so much. He loved it so much he might just cum.

“A little longer!” His fingers cured further on her neck, successfully choking her just slightly. She moaned and writhed beneath him, asking for more, wanting that last push. Her hips rolling up as much as the one hand on her hip could allow. “Now! Cum, baby! Cum on my cock!” And she did, she came so hard, his hand pulling away from her neck. Waves of air storming into her lunges as pure pleasure wracked through her body. His own load shooting upward into her pussy, sending her into a second mind blowing orgasm as his cock twitched in her. 

He was sitting on his knees between her legs, his chest heaving and his mouth hung open as he looked down at her. Red marks covering his chest and shoulders, part of a bite mark forming on his neck. He pulled out and dropped down beside her, tucking an arm under her and pulling her into his chest. The both of them spent, breathing heavily and coming down from an insurmountable high. She snuggled into his sweaty neck, squeezing her eyes shut and hoping he wouldn’t disappear. He sighed with content, smiling as he placed his chin on her head, strands of hair sticking to his cleanly shaven face. 

“I love you.” He muttered, she made a noise in response. His eyebrows furrowing when he felt a wetness drip onto his pectoral, he drew away from her to see tears streaming down her face. Concern immediately overwhelmed him, he grabbed his shoulder with his hand and brought her closer if possible. “Are you okay?” She nodded her head, meeting his gaze with bleary eyes.

“Yeah, I’m sorry John. It’s just, I’ve never felt so loved like I do with you.” He couldn’t help but smile at that, he cupped her face and brought his forehead to hers. “I love you. I don’t know what I would do without you, you’re all I have. I can’t lose you.” He shook his head at her words, pecking her swollen lips. 

“You won’t lose me, I’m gonna be here forever.”

“You promise?” She sniffled, she had lost too many people in her life. 

“Yes, I swear it.” She simpered through the tears, wrapping her arms around his torso and tangling her sweaty legs with his. She patiently waited for him to explain why he was so angry earlier. It never was something she needed to ask him, he was talkative enough that he would simply bring it up.

“Tillers and Colson called today.”

“Yeah?”

“They want to make you a partner.” Her eyebrows clenched in confusion, John’s arm baring her to him further. He was so possessive.

“You know I would never leave right? You are the best lawyer I know, John.” He turned his head to face the ceiling. “I’m your partner.” She reassured him, causing part of his lip to jerk up slightly. 

“Well then I figure I’m quite lucky. Since I always thought you were the better half of me.”

“Besides, can you imagine?” She giggled softly into his skin, he snorted.

“Imagine what?”

“Tillers Colson Jameson. That sounds terrible.” John let out a boisterous laughter that came out wholeheartedly. “Duncan and Jameson sounds much better.”

“Well...” John’s laughter died down, he cleared his throat and shifted his head over again to nudge his nose with hers. “What about Duncan and Duncan?” She perked up at that, her entire body awaking from the dreamy haze she was in following that great sex.

“Is that a marriage proposal?” She seductively whispered back, her hand crawling up his chest to cup his jaw. 

“It’s not the most formal one but-“

“Yes.” She stated without hesitation, biting her bottom lip.

“You said that quite quickly.”

“What is there to think about? You are the only man that I want in this world, the only one I’ve ever wanted.” Stroking his ego and being truthful at the same time, bonus.

“Fuck, I love you so much.” He muttered as he moved on top of her again. This time he would take it slow, and make her beg.

...

5 years later...

She was just walking, a simple walk from the hearing that just took place. This big corporation that had finally stopped being stubborn had made her firm their primary source of protection under the law. Elise was so proud of herself, but more importantly she was proud of her employees and fellow lawyers. The ones that worked extra hard to make this happen. She was sure there would be some sort of celebration, the hearing went well. 

Her paralegal, Harry, was following behind her, listing off her schedule for the day. They were on their way back to the firm and Elise was excited to get started on another client. She was already working three corporations and four big top senators. She had never felt more on her game in that moment and nothing could dissatisfy her. She was making her way for the door when she swore she saw a familiar face. It couldn’t have been, that would have been impossible. Her heart started pounding against her rib cage as she grew closer and closer. The man’s appearance become clearer as he approached. 

The smile drained from her face like someone had pulled the plug. His face no longer cleanly shaven, sunglasses hanging on his forehead and those stark blue eyes that sent shivers down her spine were there. She was certain that she had seen his face before, that she had kissed his dreamy lips and had teased her nails across his skin. She stopped in her footsteps, eyes blown wide open and sweat starting to ripple down her forehead. He was too busy talking to someone else, his erratic hand movements all the more convincing. Harry halted beside her, eyebrows furrowing in confusion and he still kept talking but she was no longer listening. 

5 years ago, John Duncan had left her. There were no goodbyes, there was no letters, no explanation. One day she woke up and he was gone, all of his clothes had disappeared, all of his belongings. The bathroom empty of his toothbrush and razor, the shower no longer containing his strongly scented body washes and conditioners. She looked for him, she called him several times, only to find that his phone was smashed into pieces and sitting in the trash. She didn’t know what to do. One minute you have someone you care so much about and the next they are gone. 

Elise knew deeply of loss. It always seemed like everyone that loved her and everyone that she loved in return ended up gone. A backstory that she wished was not true, a childhood she wished she hadn't lived. Caretaker after caretaker until all of them were dead and she was forced to live in agony with her parents again. Her parents were abusive, they never really cared much. They tormented her and abused her for years until she graduated high-school. They both died, a car accident in her freshmen year of college that she had paid for. Although they never loved her, she had grown dependent on them. She had to live with the constant fear of not working hard enough because they were always watching in her mind. When she met John in school, she carried something steady and she had thought that this would finally work. 

She thought that they would love each other forever and she would never lose him. She didn’t know he was going to leave, she didn’t recognize that he might have hated her for reasons she would never understand. She thought about it for so long. Why did he leave? He promised her and he didn’t even bother respecting her with a few words on why, he simply left. She could feel that pain surfacing again, from years before. 

“Ma’am, are you okay?” Harry asked, obviously seeing something was wrong. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” She glanced back at John, he was approaching. Still talking to the tall and lanky man beside him, a holy man by the looks of what he was wearing. She couldn’t help herself, she felt so much resentment but she still loved him more dearly than she could love her own self.

“John?” She grabbed him by the forearm, successfully stopping him. His entire body tensed up as he hesitantly turned to face her, a scowl written on his face that she didn’t understand. “Y-You’re here.”

“Of course, I am. Where else would I be?” He plainly replied, as if he hadn’t left her with an irreparable broken heart and no explanation. Her lips parted and closed as she tried to figure what to say. Should she be angry? She didn’t want to be. He still was just as handsome and as John as he was when she fell in love with him. “Fame suits you.”

“I’m not famous, just successful.” She muttered, her hands clutching more firmly onto the paperwork she was holding. 

“I’m impressed.” Impressed? Why was this the conversation she has with him after years of trying to overcome her abandonment? She was angry, she didn’t want to be but she couldn’t help it. He hurt her. He hurt her bad.

“Well, you shouldn’t be impressed.” She lifted her chin. She was always good at hiding things, she could do it now. “You know how I am.”

“I do, I do.” He firmly stated, winking at her before continuing on his way. She looked down at her beige high-heels, heat coming to her cheeks. 

“Ms. Jameson, are you sure you're okay?”

“I said I was fine.” She scowled as she turned on her heel and stomped back towards the exit of the courthouse. Harry stumbled after, puzzled at how irritated she suddenly was. Elisa was not one to be randomly upset about something. He decided not to look too far into it, if there was anything worse than an angry Elise it was an annoyed Elise. 


	2. A Thousand Miles

She hadn’t pulled this picture out in four years, but it was the only thing that grounded her in this moment. She wasn’t going crazy. She saw John today, she touched him, and he talked to her. She wanted to cry but she knew she had to keep a straight face. She couldn’t be upset because her fiancé would be here any minute. He would want to know what was going on if he saw her like this, he’d probably leave her if he knew. The only reason she had a fiancé was because she hoped he would fill that void. 

A month after John had left her she filled her time with work, started breaking her partnership from him at the law firm. Since he wasn’t there to sign anything and since he wasn’t there to work, the firm had become hers and hers alone. She had to uphold such a big job, she had to work hard for it. So she did and a lot of people asked where John went but she never said. She didn’t know. For a whole year she was in pain, not willing to look for him in fear of what she’d find. She didn’t attend social events anymore, couldn’t look his clients in the face and tell them that he was simply gone. She didn’t know what had gone wrong, part of her was happy that she didn’t know. 

She thought about him everyday, worried about him everyday, wondered if he missed her. Then again, he wouldn’t have left at all if that was the case. In the summer she went on a trip to france, some big corporation was making a deal with another and they needed their lawyer present. John wasn’t there so she was the one that had to go. That was when she met Enzo Dubois, a French businessman with a passion for ingenuity. They kicked it off right away. At first she claimed that she just wanted to be friends, but he wouldn’t take that he was so entranced with her. They went on a couple dates, attended a few social gatherings and within a month they were a couple. 

She was still hesitant to put her a hundred percent into it. Enzo was wealthy and successful, many woman around the globe lusted after him. He seemed to only ever have eyes for her. It took her a long time to finally trust him, he learned about her past and promised not to repeat it. She never told him about John. John was a scar, an invisible one that only she should know about. After three years he asked her to marry him, he waited a while but with trips between America and France so often, it was difficult to spend time together. They were to get married next month, the wedding was planned and the invitations were sent out. Elise was happy and she hoped that that happiness would continue for the rest of her years.

Only this happens and that changes everything. 

She stared at the photo. It was a picture of John and her at the park, on a leisurely stroll. Atlanta was familiar that day, now she couldn’t recognize it. John in a white button up and khakis, his designer sunglasses reflecting in the sun. He had his arm around her, her light brown hair fluttering in the wind, smile as bright as the sun. She was dressed in an orange sundress, revealing the tribal tattoo of a wolf that sat over her shoulder. She was so happy that day, so ecstatic to be in his arms and to be with him. He was perfect to her and nothing could compare.

How could he have left her?

**Beep.**

“Ms. Jameson, there is a man here to see you. His name is Father Joseph Seed.” She wiped the tears out from under her eyes, frantically shoving the photo into her desk. She pressed the button on her answering machine, pausing for a moment to collect herself, then speaking.

“Send him in.” Not even a few minutes after the door opened, that same man that was walking with John earlier entered the room. John followed with him and she immediately reacted, standing up and trying not to raise her voice. 

“John, I don’t want you in here. Go.”

“What-“

“Go, John.” The Father said, John glared at her before obediently following his command. 

“Close the door behind you.” She quickly said and John did so with a roll of his eyes. She then sat down, folding her fingers over her desk and staring at them. Usually she would have shook the man’s hand, but she wasn’t feeling particularly polite towards someone that might have any association with the man that broke her many years ago. The Father stared at her, his orange cream sunglasses enhancing a certain aspect in his eyes that sent shivers down her spine.

“I can see it in your eyes.” He split the silence, her eyes meeting his own with question. “I can see it in your past.” He sat down, perching on the edge of the chair across from your desk and reaching his hands out over the table to grab her own. “I can see it now, before me, plain as day.” She was getting scared, anxious even, not sure how to respond. “Do you believe in God, Ms. Jameson?” She thought hard, closing her eyes and trying to visualize the idea of a deity like God. 

“I do,” Her fluttered open, he could see right through her. “I do, I wouldn’t be here had it not been for him.”

“But you blame him, for your loss?”

“Yes.” She gulped, clearing her throat then and drawing her hands back to her person. “God takes things from people so they may learn, but sometimes I wonder...” Her words faded and she wasn’t sure how intimate this conversation should go.

“Yes?”

“If he does it to me just because he can.” Joseph couldn’t contain the soft smile that came to his lips.

“You think he toys with you?”

“Sometimes.” Joseph nodded his head.

“Do you know why I’m here?”

“No, but I’m sure you are gonna tell me.”

...

Enzo entered the office with a confident bounce about him, he carried a brown paper bag in his left hand as he entered. Elise’s assistant immediately perked up, catching John’s attention. When he looked over he saw a man that he decided he didn’t like at all. He was in a finely tailored black suit, accents of blues and reds running along the hems and his tie a unique brown color. His black hair was slicked back, bright blue eyes, and a stubbly shadow over his chin that made him appear dashing. 

“Mr. Dubois, it’s so good to see you.”

“Mademoiselle, you are looking stunning today.” He responded with this thick French accent that made John cringe. The assistant, an excessively skinny woman with two beady eyes, held out her hand and the man Dubois took it and pressed his lips to it.

“Elise is busy right now.”

“On her lunch? Aren’t I lucky? I get to spend more time with you.” The assistant giggled, gesturing a hand at him.

“Oh stop, you are such a handsome guy. I’m the lucky one.” The door to her office opened and Enzo straightened up, both the Father and her exiting the office. As soon as she noticed Enzo she ran to him and jumped into his arms. John nearly pounced, the way Enzo’s hand caressed her body and pulled her close. He wanted to kill the man with his bare hands, right after he confessed and confessed for all he had done. 

“Hey, my beautiful flower, how is your day?”

“It’s good, my love. How bout you?”

“John...” John was too focused on what they were saying, all lovey dovey, kissing one another and touching each other. He wanted to vomit. “John.” His eyes snapped back to the Father, who was giving him a warning with his eyes that said for him to back off. The two exited the office, John more hesitantly than ever took a single glance over his shoulder. She was looking at him, watching him leave with something in her eyes that he couldn’t quite place. 

He wished to never see her again. If she could so easily forget him, then so be it. 

* * *

“John.” Joseph called calmly from his place on the couch, John was furiously pacing back and forth. How could his brother do this to him? She was a sinner. She didn’t deserve a chance in the cult. “John!” Joseph raised his voice, snapping John from his thoughts. The younger Seed stopped in his steps and gazed at him with wide eyes. “You betrayed her, John. She would have done anything for you.”

“She wouldn’t understand this. She would have judged us.”

“She shows no judgement, John. Not when I told her about what we were doing here. I think it was foolish of you to push her away, she would have been a strong supporter for our cause. She won’t admit it, but she still loves you.”

“She has someone else, she doesn’t love me. She forgot about me.”

“John, leave your pride behind if but for a moment.” Joseph hissed between clenched teeth, then there was shouting outside. Her plane had arrived, John’s hands balled into fists and he started pacing again. Joseph stood up and approached his brother, placing a hand on his shoulder. “I hope that in the coming days you will come to see what I have seen. She will be staying here.”

“Brother-“

“Enough. This is God’s will.” John didn’t protest any further, he knew he wouldn’t win. He followed Joseph out to greet Elise as she exited the plane. John felt his breathe catch as he looked upon her. She was so beautiful and mature; he couldn’t deny how fast she made his heart beat. She was wearing an expensive pair of chopper sunglasses, a bright teal that flickered in the sun’s rays like a rainbow. A white dress hung from her shoulders, the skirt ended above her knees to reveal her smooth and slender calves. The dress was tight around her waist, accentuating the curves of her body and her breasts. It was sleeveless with a high neck that almost served as a choker. In contrast to her tan skin and long blonde hair, the dress spoke words about her character: confident, magnificent, inspiring, independent.

Oh that smile! It could blind anyone! She was a lawyer after all, her teeth were important. John knew, he used to live with... Fuck! There he goes again! And those thighs, he wanted them-

“Father, How are you?” She hugged Joseph, and without hesitation he returned it. Joseph grabbed her hand and caressed her skin.

“I am doing great, my child. I am glad to see that you agreed to my offer.”

“How could I not? I am a women of God and I want to help with anything I can.” She was a women of God, always had been a strong Christian. It was partly what kept John’s faith present when they were together, she was nothing like his parents. Her eyes then met John’s, he immediately looked away but she wouldn’t grant him that escape.

“Hello.” She muttered to him, Joseph slowly released her hand. 

“I will leave you two alone. My children will put your luggage in your room.”

“Alright, thank you.” She said dismissively, suddenly more focused on John than anything else. She held her hand at her sides and fiddled with the fabric of her dress skirt as she stood before him. “How are you?” She asked softly, her fingers reaching out but she quickly drew them back to her person. Her mind filled with uncertainty and pain.

“I was better before you showed up.” John snarled before turning his back to her and leaving her in her place. She quietly tracked his steps up to the ranch, avoiding the uneasy stares shot in her direction. She removed her sunglasses as she entered the cabin, pleased with the overall decor.

“Wow!” She exclaimed, Joseph showing her a smile as she examined the inside living room. A huge fire place sat at the center like a column, a couch sat in front of it, papers stacked on the coffee table between. On the other side was a long, mahogany dining table and a couple of filled bookshelves off to the size. Taxidermy and photos hung on the walls, sat in the corners, so exquisite and creating a royale vibe.

“I’m glad that you find it accommodating enough. You will only need to stay here until you have atoned for your sins.” Joseph explaining, John sat at one end of the table with his arms crossed and a pout on his face. He would have to lead her to atonement and he was not looking forward to it.

“I love it. Thank you, for everything, Father.” Joseph cupped either side of her face and pressed his forehead. 

“For you, anything my child. You have felt enough pain. You no longer need to feel it anymore. You are welcome here and you will be loved here.” She nodded in response. Joseph stepped back, glancing to John. “Keep her protected brother. I will be checking in.”

“Of course, Joseph.” Joseph then left, knowing what conflict would arise between John and Elise, he let it be. Elise stood there, staring down at the floor. She didn’t know what to say or do really, but John certainly did.

“You should have stayed where you belonged. Back in Georgia with all the sinners.” She couldn’t help but snap at that, all her anger from years of pain coming out in a ball of fury.

“F-Fuck you, John.” She growled, John’s eyebrows furrowed having not expected a response from her. She squeezed her eyes shut and bit her bottom lip, trying hard to breath and calm herself but she couldn’t. She let it all out. “You made a promise to me and you didn’t keep it. You made me hope and you made me love and finally open up to someone and then you took it all away.” She turned to face him, her expressions strict and terse but her words coming out softer than a shout. “You did exactly what you promised you wouldn’t and you did it in the worst way possible. You were clean off the face of the earth and what could I have fucking done, John? Tell me?!” John was stone faced, here she was placing all of this on him when it really was all her fault. Right? “Answer me!” She screamed, slamming her hands down onto the table. The tears came hard and fast, her face red with aggravation and agony. “For a long time I asked myself what I did wrong to deserve this. Why did you leave me? Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving? Why did you just go? You were about the only damn person I fucking had left in this world and you were just gone.”

“I left because you didn’t deserve me! I was going to be cleansed of all sin and I didn’t need your filth.” The tears were gone as quickly as they had appeared, there was no holding back this time.

“You fucker! I would have done anything for you?! You were a sinner just as much as I was! We were corrupt together!”

“The garden isn’t a place for sluts like you!” 

“FUCK YOU, JOHN!” He had never seen her so angry before, she pointed at him. He stood up and leaned forward, his eyes scanning her entire being. “I thought I knew you, but you know what? I didn’t. I never did. You are the worst type of person and your sin isn’t Sloth, no, it’s fucking Greed. You take and take from people and you don’t stop, then you just move on and you take some more. Well, I won’t let you do it anymore.” He found himself, the light fell from his eyes at her words and he wanted to comfort her. 

“Elise-“

“SHUT IT!” She was a sobbing mess at this point, falling apart into a chasm of rage. “The Father promised I could find myself again. That I could be happy here. I won’t let you take that from me! Not again!” She slunk forward, her blonde hair falling over shoulders as she leaned against the edge of the table. John looked down at himself and wondered for a moment what to do. The last person she needed comfort from was him.

“Your room...” He cleared his throat. “It’s upstairs, two doors down to the left.” She didn’t waste anytime and tore herself from the table to rush up towards her new place of residence. John felt something inside of him long for her forgiveness, he could feel it tearing him apart and he didn’t understand why. How could he ever understand the mix of emotions that she gave him?


	3. The Recognition

It had been a week since Elise had arrived. She didn’t talk to John at all and they mostly kept their distance. She did work in her room, every so often coming down for a meal. He either was working in his office or out in the valley doing God’s bidding. Every time he saw her it brought back memories, all of the good times and all of the bad. Why was she here? She had everything when he saw her in her natural place, at her firm. She looked so happy then. She had a fiancé, where was he? He had questions and he needed answers now, but she wouldn’t dare look at him. 

It only made it worse that he had thrown a few fits while she was there. One time he saw her watching from the top of the stairs, sitting on the top step as he screamed and yelled and flipped things over. As soon as he saw her his resolve failed him, he was broken at the look she was giving him. Almost pity, which he would later argue was misplaced. John didn’t need pity. He never-

...

“John?” She took a deep breath to calm her nerves, she was never used to this kind of stuff. She was never used to comforting people because she truly was terrible at it. Everyone wanted to know though. They wanted to see how he was doing and they were all waiting downstairs in this huge mansion for the heir of the Duncan’s to come down. They wanted a speech, they wanted him to talk about how much he loved his parents, about how great they were. John knew what he would say. He would tell them what they wanted to hear, but for her. She knew. 

She knew that John hated his parents and she knew why, she could relate to him on many things and that was that. Them dying didn’t affect him in terms of attachment, but in relief it could easily have done so. She entered his childhood bedroom, little toy planes hanging from the ceiling and blue practically littering the walls. He was staring at the floor, standing directly at the edge of his bed with an expression she had never seen on him before. “Are you okay?” She asked, walking over and placing a hand on his shoulder.

“I’m fine.” He wasn’t. If anyone could read him well, it was her.

“Ya’know John, sometimes we have to learn to put the past behind us. The future is more in your control than you think.”

“How could I forgive them? People are out there suffering under people like them, I need to change that.” He hissed, but with an uncertainty that made her squint. She turned to face him, his expression was drowning in sorrow and pain. She lifted his face so that he was looking at her. 

“Then let’s do it.” She smiled, trying to make him feel better and he couldn’t help but return it.

“I really do love you.” He said, she rolled her eyes playfully.

“You say it so often, I’d never guess.” His arm wrapped around her waist.

“And I will keep saying it until the day I die.”

...

“That shouldn’t be right.” He looked up from the book he was reading to find Elise walking down the stairs. She had phone to her ear and was wearing nothing more than a pair of neon green shorts and a long sleeved t-shirt that served as skirt. “Martins settled with what we offered, case never went to trial.” She looked so beautiful and homely. He remembered days like this, lazy days, where the sun poured in and the place was quiet, where it would only be them. They would exchange knowing glances in each other’s directions, serene expressions and teasing words. On days like this John remembered feeling like he didn’t need to have his dick in her to make her happy, she only ever needed him. 

Now it was all different. Now she didn’t even want to look at him. It made John sick. It made John even more sick knowing that she was taken, she would never be his. She would never look at him like she did when he told her how much he loved her. How disgusting... For her to forget him like that, really?! And her annoying voice and just, God he couldn’t take it anymore. 

He jumped up from the couch with a loud grunt and glared over at her. She was frozen, her eyes were wide with surprise but the phone was still to her ear. John was staring at her, all the anger had left him and he wasn’t sure about what to say or do. So he came up with something, something logical at least. He cleared his throat and raised his chin.

“You shouldn’t be working on Sundays?” She rolled her eyes.

“Who are you to tell me what to do.” She sneered, then continued her walk into the kitchen.

“I wasn’t talking to you, Leo. Just please fix that paperwork. Thanks, love. I will call you later.” She hung up on him, then started to navigate the kitchen for food. John stormed into the kitchen after much deliberating on how to react to her words. 

“That was pretty rude what you said.”

“Hmm, never would have guessed. Now can you fuck off?”

“Look here-“ The double doors to the kitchen were gently pushed open to reveal the Father.

“Look here, what?”

“Joseph.” John exclaimed, straightening himself to be the perfect little brother he pretended to be.

“Joesph, it’s nice to see you. How are you?” Elise closed in on Joseph with open arms, arms that John wished were wrapped around him at the moment. 

“I’m doing well, child.” He cupped her cheek and simpered at her, she leaned into his touch before drawing away. “I came to see how you were doing.” He placed his hand on her shoulder and glanced at John briefly, sort of a strict light placed as a warning. John looked down, ashamed. He had promised his brother he would try and he didn’t, he didn’t even bother showing her any morsel of kindness. 

“I like it here.” If John was expecting her to say anything it wasn’t that. Joseph seemed surprised at first and a bit skeptical, but his smile grew and John knew he must have believed her. She couldn’t have been telling the truth. “Hope County is beautiful and the others are so kind.”

“What about John? I hope he has been owing you the respect you deserve.”

“Of course, he’s a wonderful host.”

“That’s good.” John was dumbfounded. She just lied to Joseph and for what. He beheld her for answers and she simply nodded at him with something of a smug glimmer. Oh, that girl was so damn intuitive he hated it! She knew how much power she had over him, if not before than now more than ever. 

“I came to see if you would like to join my mass today.”

“I would love too. It would give me something to do.”

“Lovely, John can take you there. You might want to wear something less revealing.” She nodded in agreement. “I would also like to invite you for Sunday dinner.” Oh no! John didn’t want her to be there, how else was he going to have space to vent about her?!

“Only If John wants me to go.” Oh that snippy- John thought she was referring to him to tease him over the fact that she could get Joseph to punish him, but the look in her eyes said differently. She was really looking for his approval, for his permission and in the most polite way possible. He forgot how much he loved this woman, forgot how amazing she was at everything she did.

“I would.” His voice softer than before, Joseph placed a hand on John’s shoulder now. 

“I am pleased to see the two of you making amends as the lord had told me so.” He closed his eyes, dropping his chin. “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Amen.”

“Amen.” John and Elise said in unison. Elise then excited herself to leave the kitchen, saying that she wanted to get ready for mass. John watched as she left, wondering how he was going to explain to his brother that he had not forgiven her.

“You are still lost, John.” Joseph didn’t even have to hear him say it. “It was never her fault, and what do you see in her now?” Joesph shook his head. “She tries so hard for you, even when you don’t think she does.” With those words that imbedded themselves so tightly into his skull Joseph left. 

Within the hour Elise was ready and John was waiting downstairs for them to leave. She was wearing a lovely lace, long sleeved blue dress with tiny white ribbons along the sides. John could smell her perfume wafting from her in waves and it lured him in like a moth to the flame. They both put on their sunglasses as they exited, John following her to the truck. 

The entire ride to the church was silent. Mostly consisting of Elise biting her nails and John thrumming his thumbs on the wheel. Her phone rung and she answered it, responding with her usual mantra ‘This is Elise Jameson, attorney at law, how may I help you?’.

“Oh hey, Clair. I’m doing good, I’m in Montana right now.” John was reminded of all the phone calls, the constant ass kissing and manipulating that Elise and him worked out so that they could get a few extra clients. It was fun. She understood him and he understood her, they were very good at hiding things. “I don’t think so.” She sounded sad almost. “I am leaving it all to Harry. Yes, you heard me right. I know he will do good. Yeah, of course. Nice talk.” John couldn’t help but immediately intervene after.

“What was all that about?”

“I don’t think it’s any of your business.” She crossed her arms and huffed, John wanted to teach her a lesson but he decided to keep his mouth shut anyways. “I gave the firm away.” She spoke through the silence, he slammed on the brakes. The truck lurched forward, the both of them being thrown against their seatbelts at the motion. “What the fuck, John?!”

“What did you do?” He growled, she didn’t know why he would have any reason to be irate.

“I sold my firm, not yours. I sold it so that I could be here.”

“You don’t belong here, Elise.” He huffed, his face wrinkling up as the prospect of her staying dug into him. 

“You have no right to say that and besides, Joseph thinks I will fit right in.” John stepped on the gas and kept moving, they couldn’t be late to mass.

“There is no way you will make it.” John let out a mirthless laughter, shaking his head as reality settled in. 

“Why not?!”

“Because you aren’t strong enough!” He shouted, hand clenching on the wheel and teeth gritting together. She didn’t respond, he expected some more rebuttal from her, considering they were both lawyers. She didn’t say another word and instead he heard the sound of sniffling, that was all. He didn’t comfort her, because that would only make her think he didn’t mean it and he absolutely did.

“When you left I took over every client, every bill that we shared I took over, every loose end I had to tie. Imagine telling people that the one person they trusted with their legal battles had disappeared off the face of the earth, no explanation, just gone. Imagine having to deal with the ridicule and the pain from all of that. Coming back from a long and hard day at work to find nothing, emptiness. No one there for you to understand, no one there to understand you. I think that anyone who can live with that, survive that, is pretty strong. And the people who put them through that, the pain and the ridicule and the emptiness... Well they are weak and they are monsters. And they are you.”

* * *

When Elise was in church, she was god. At least that was what John thought, as he also thought of their conversation in the car. She had called him weak and monstrous and he was starting to believe it. All those things she said, he had put them on her. She was all alone when he left and he had never cared to think what had happened to her as a result of his actions. She seemed stronger, smarter and less naive. He couldn’t deny that he was still attracted to her, but it bothered him that he was still burdened by the need for the flesh. Every time he looked at her there was some reminder of his old sin, the sin of their lust, together. It burned him. 

He would look at her and find that she was rather involved in the holy activities of the church, it proved to him even more that something deeper was going on behind the scenes. Why was she here? Why was she so devoted to a cause? Sold the firm?! Oh, how it angered him! It didn’t matter what she had been through, she wouldn’t survive this, she just couldn’t. She so quickly forgot him, found another man to fuck, found another man to marry. Would Joseph let that sinner of a man join the cause too?! She didn’t deserve to be here, for someone that could so easily drop another like that should not be part of the community. What a sinner! What a sinister sinner!

“John, come to me brother.” The mass was over already? Had he been so deep in his thoughts about Elise that he hadn’t noticed. He swiftly stood up and approached Joseph, standing before him with as much humility as he could muster. “We have lost a follower in the valley. His name is Almo Grayson, I need you to go speak with him.”

“Yes, Father.” John bowed his head and turned to leave, only for Joseph to grab his wrist and halt him. 

“Take Elise with you. Team work will bind your new forgiveness towards one another together.” Joseph knew, John could see the glint of amusement in his brother’s eyes as he backed away. Joseph knew that they weren’t getting along and it must have been God that told him. 

It was silent on the ride towards the Grayson residence. He was a lonely farmer that lived out along the edges of the valley, barely reaching Faith’s territory. He didn’t like that Elise was here with him for this. John knew what he needed to do, he would warn this old man into submission and then take his farm as the Seed family had planned. John parked in front of the man’s home, he was sitting out front of his patio smoking a pipe. Elise smiled, moving to exit the vehicle when John stopped her.

“Let me handle this. It’s my job after all.” Elise didn’t protest, her smile falling away as John left her alone to go do his so called ‘job’.

“Mr. Grayson.” John greeted as he walked up the steps of the patio and held his hand out to the older man. The man scoffed at the offering and glared in a difference direction. John hid his scowl well, looking across the fields of crops that he hoped would soon be filled with bliss. “I came to discuss your sudden dismissal from our Project. I was hoping you could explain why, give me some feedback for the betterment of our flock.” Ever the spokesperson John was. 

“You people tried to steal my farm.” The old man grumbled, standing up from his chair he pointed an accusing finger at John. “I thought you lot were better than that, especially you John.” The man appeared betrayed, a bit dumbfounded and sad. 

“You knew what we stood for when you joined. This was inevitable and if you do not come back and take our offer I will be forced to make you-“

“Hello, Sir. Is everything alright?” John’s eyes slid shut as he heard that voice, he looked over his shoulder to find that Elise was well on her way. She carried the brightest smile on her face and as she stopped alongside John she placed a hand on his shoulder. “I hope John isn’t being too much trouble. I’m Elise Jameson.” She held her other hand out, using the one on John’s shoulder to give him a comforting squeeze. 

“Almo Grayson.” The farmer shook her hand, confused as to what her purpose for being there was. 

“It is to my understanding that you left the Project, that’s a real shame.” He wafted a hand at her and shrugged.

“I had no choice deary. I love God, but this farm is all I have left.” Almo sighed. “I was left with no choice but to leave.” Elise nodded, reminding John of how good they used to be back in the days: working together to make deals and con big corporations with their charisma. 

“Greed is a sin.” John piped in, Elise elbowing him in the shoulder as her hand drew away. He glared at her for a split second before he saw it, that light in her gaze and the expression upon her face. She missed being next to him like this. But how? But why?

“Mr. Grayson, I see why you left, but God is still strong in our community. Maybe if you cooperated with the Project we could work this out. Perhaps share the farm. We were too hasty in our desire to have this land, so much so that we forgot who God gave it too. I don’t see that you have any workers around here. We could provide free labor for you in return for a portion of your crop and a chance to grow our own crops here.” John couldn’t feel pride, she wasn’t his to be proud of. Maybe her fiancé did, but not him...

Oh! How it angered him! He was just always so easily angered when she was around.

“That does sound like a good idea. If the father’d be willing?” Almo smiled and Elise returned it.

“That’s good. I know that you being a part of the church made us that much more stronger and we can’t lose you.” Lies. He loved it when she lied, but only for the betterment of herself. He already knew enough about her to throw out her sins: Pride, Lust, Gluttony, how beautiful.

When Elise and Almo finished, John apologized and the three of them parted ways. Elise and John to their truck and Almo to his home. In the truck Elise was staring blankly out onto the road as John drove back to the ranch. He took a deep breath and simply spoke what was on his mind.

“Good job, Goose.” He hadn’t called her that in forever and the pet name felt nice leaving his lips.

“Thanks, Maverick.” He knew she was trying to hide the grin on her face as she peered out the window. He couldn’t lie, he was having a hard time hiding his own.

* * *

It’s no surprise that Elise and Faith got along almost instantly. He figured he would sit between Jacob and Elise, which left one seat on the other side of her and Faith sat there. The two of them bonded over makeup and flowers and feminine occurrences. John was cringing the entire time, but it was all worth keeping Jacob away.

Sunday dinner was a tradition in the Seed family, even long before Joseph started doing the Lord’s bidding. Joseph would pick a handful of his most devoted members to eat food with him and dine. The Heralds would sit at his side, eating away and having light conversation. Jacob was always the quiet one, as were his men that he had trained. Extravagant food was displayed across the table, Honey soaked Ham, Deer, vegetables of all sorts, pies and pastures, all for this special occasion. The Father sat at the head of the table, where he would announce everyone to hold hands for grace. 

John held his hand out to her, expecting her to immediately take it and for them to get on with this but she didn’t. She was staring at him, looking at him like he had done something wrong.

“Take my hand.” Her head tilted over to look at Joseph.

“Can I sit next to Jacob?” Joseph shrugged, it was silent as everyone watched the exchange. John was trying to manage his temper and Elise must have known. She sat up and Joseph gestured for John to scoot over, he hesitantly did as such. She took his seat, now between both the youngest and eldest seed brothers. John watched as she swiftly grabbed Jacob’s hand without an inhibitions and then took John’s hand in the other. He could see the faintest of smugness on Jacob’s lips, who said nothing about the whole incident. He wondered why it was such a big deal, she could have given him her hand before why did she have to sit next to Jacob?

Then he saw it. She was hiding from him the very ring that goes on one’s right hand when they accept a marriage proposal. John had almost forgotten that she had a fiancé and that she was with someone. As grace was finished and the others dug into their food, John was hesitant to eat anything. He was disgusted, annoyed to say the least. Then she was talking to Jacob, John wanted to strangle him for it, talking to him like an old friend and he reciprocated. 

“Has there ever been a problem when you have attempted conditioning the wolves? Do they always follow orders or do they revert back to instinct?”

“Good question, I train the wolves to act on instinct actually. They will follow our orders for as long as they are being fed and managed properly, the trainer needs to be strong. We have had some incidents, but those ones I kill due to weakness.” Stupid Pavlov and Elise’s extended knowledge of the psychological field. And when did his brother become so knowledgeable? He hadn’t even gone to college.

“... the theory that a man goes back to their natural instincts and will do anything for their basic needs.”

“So has it worked? In the military I know that soldiers are broken down and then built back up, but if you put someone into a mode like that can they easily be brought back?”

“Of course, that’s why they are trained. We condition them to follow orders and do as we say no matter what.”

“Wow, that is so interesting. I’ve never seen that done before. That’s like a breakthrough in understanding humanity’s most basic functions.” Jacob was amused as he gazed down at her, with cold eyes.

“I could show you sometime if you’d like.” He offered, which was when John knew he would have to get involved. 

“Sorry brother, but I don’t think Elise has time to go see your little shenanigans in the whitetail region.” Jacob’s eyes darted to John and he glared, but John was too bold to be afraid of his brother.

“I would love that, Jacob.” Elise answered of her own accord, putting a prominent smile onto Jacob’s face. 

“I can come pick you up whenever you want, John has my number.”

Like John would ever give his ex Jacob’s number! Yeah right! 

Throughout the rest of the meal Elise was ignoring him, talking to everyone else except for him and getting along with everyone else except for him. Afterwards the members were able to walk around and continue talking or head to their designated duties or go to bed. Those that stayed were able to have conversations with their heralds. Jacob typically went home, but John noticed that he hadn’t left without handing Elise his phone number and giving her a kiss on the knuckles. Jacob could be ever so the lady’s man, when he wasn’t being stiff and otherwise stoic.

All John could think of was all the times that she could have flirted with other guys when they were together, how perhaps she had. She was going to be a married woman soon and here she was still flaunting her pussy around. There’s a word for that that John was too kind to say out loud and maybe she would like it too much. Slut.

By the end of the evening, when everyone had nearly left John was heading out. He despised Elise at this point and wanted nothing to do with her, but someone had to take her home. He interrupted one of her conversations, forced her goodbyes to Joseph and Faith and then stomped off to the truck without so much as a warning. She slammed the door with a grunt as she entered, frustrated and obviously about to start a fight. 

“What’s your problem?” John gripped the steering wheel.

“What’s my problem?! What about your problem?! You are in a relationship and you are flirting with Jacob like that.” She palmed her forehead with a sigh.

“Jacob’s a nice guy, we have a lot in common and we were just talking.”

“Just talking? You have his number, I bet you asked for it.”

“I was talking to him about finding a legal way to get his experiments funded. He offered for me to come see them in action.”

“You probably wouldn’t be able to stomach what he does to people.” 

“You mean sinners.” How did Elise become so enthralled with the ideology that Eden’s Gate was spreading? She crossed her arms, he started the truck and pulled away from the house. “Besides it’s not like I haven’t seen you do worse. The authorities are already onto Eden’s Gate about missing persons and murders. You’re not really doing a good job at covering that up, some lawyer you are.”

“And you are? You aren’t such a great lawyer either.” There was a long silence, despite the anger, Elise broke it.

“Okay, let’s just be real here. Neither of us are terrible lawyers, we are just terrible people.” John hated her right now, well he strongly disliked her but he wasn’t going to disagree with that statement. “Remember that time...” She snorted. “When that wife was hitting on you in front her husband.” John slipped a smile and nodded his head, although she couldn’t see it he wished he could show her without her thinking that she won. “And then-“

“He slapped me across the face when she kissed me on the cheek.”

“Then I kicked his ass and we both told them we’d sue and we did and we won.” The two of them started laughing with one another, the tension in the beginning was no longer there, but John didn’t forget. He was still angry, but talking about the good times was nice. 

“What about that time that we both gained up on that lawyer...”

“Haney, Mr. Tom Haney.” She exclaimed, filling in the gap. John slammed his hand on the wheel and let out a boisterous laughter, almost like a child.

“He deserved what he had coming to him. What a pervert? He wanted to fuck you so bad.”

“You don’t mess with Duncan and Duncan.” It became drop dead silent and Elise felt herself freeze with embarrassment. She felt tears brim at the corner of her eyes almost instantly and she bit her bottom lip. She tilted her head towards the window so he couldn’t see. John gripped the steering wheel tighter and he sighed.

“My true last name is Seed, so it would have all been a lie anyways.” She didn’t say anything, her silence made him turn his head to look at her. He couldn’t see her face and suddenly he became confused. Why was she so fucking confusing? “Listen, it wouldn’t have worked out. My brothers needed me here and you weren’t meant for this life.” Still nothing and he couldn’t figure out what was going through her head. “Well, you are about to be married soon anyways, so it doesn’t matter what we once were.”

“You promised you wouldn’t leave.” Was all she said and that was all he needed to know. He wasn’t going to say another word.


	4. Like Heaven First

John was having a hard time fighting the urge to kiss her. It happened as often as he saw her face and was reminded of all the kisses they shared when she’d enter the office in the morning, or leave at night. Even so much as a kiss on the cheek would do. John remembered those weren’t often though, if him and Elise were going to kiss it was going to be with tongue. They used to be so devious together. They had sex in his office, sex on the floor of his office, on the desk and by the window. They had sex in his car, in the bathroom, the copy room and the meeting room. One time she couldn’t find her underwear so she went panty free all day long... John might have been the reason for that. 

He found himself longing for her attention, relishing in the moments that she actually looked at him and greeted him. He wasn’t sure what to think of her being there. 

He was so confused. 

Part of him despised her for being with another man, for forgetting him, another part of him tried to rationalize that she was here and that she could be his. She was still just as beautiful, as smart, and as daring as the woman he had been with so many years ago. Maybe he could win her back, he was the better man even. 

She still worked, it appeared that she was closing up cases and he wondered what she would do after she finished that. He did most of the paperwork for Eden’s Gate, that was his job, not hers. Two days before had proven that she was perhaps a little (a very teensy bit) better than him at negotiating with the locals. He could definitely use her for that. There were many confrontations he had had that probably could have been avoided had she been involved. Her influence could bring many of the non-believers onto his side. If she was here to stay then she was going to do something productive, it’s not like she wouldn’t find something anyways. She didn’t like sitting around doing nothing.

There was one thing that John craved more than ever. The very thing that would come from her lips and the very thing that once made him bubble with pride, with adoration and warmth. Her laughter. It was the only thing he could take, knowing that it was real and natural and loving. He thought he would never hear again, but one day she was on the phone with someone laughing it out. He couldn’t help but feel jealous. Was that a friend? Her fiancé? A client? That’s all beside the point, someone else made her laugh and he was determined to end it. 

He followed her out onto the patio, overbooked his ranch as he waited for her to get off the phone. She said her goodbye and then ended the call. She turned to face him, eyebrows furrowing but her eyes filled with curiosity.

“Something wrong, John?” His lips parted, she looked so gorgeous today. Her long hair was up in a messy bun, hazel eyes sparkling in the sunlight that streamed down from the heavens. Her skin was glowing, the skin that was revealed that was. She was wearing a black and white striped jumper, the legs ending above her knee and the short sleeves clung to the skin below her shoulders. He caught a good look of her bare and clean collarbone, the one he would never leave unmarked. He searched for her gaze again and let out a strained breath. She grew concerned and she stepped forward, placing a hand on his shoulder. 

“John, can you hear me?” He said the first thing that came to his mind.

“Why do they bury lawyers 20 feet under?” Her mouth opened, she didn’t know how to respond. John offered her an awkward smile, all lips and no teeth. “Because they are really good people, deep down.” There was a pregnant silence as the joke stirred between them. John waited in agony for her to act, do something, even if it wasn’t laugh. A grin slowly pulled at her lips and she clutched her stomach as she laughed. 

John nearly moaned, not only did **he** make her laugh but her laughter was lovely.

“John, you are such a nerd.” She said as she walked back inside, his head tilted to the side uncontrollably and released a dreamy sigh. There was a pressure building in his groin area and he looked down to find that he was painfully hard. How could she do that to him? He had to go and take care of himself all because of her. Why was the Lord so cruel to him? Why did he have to make her so attractive and cute?

He passed her on his way to the stairs, his feet wouldn’t go up them though. There was something burning in him, beyond desire and craving. He turned to face her and without a second thought that would make him doubt himself, he rushed towards her. She had no time to react as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her. He didn’t force tongue, her lips would do just fine and they did. He was engulfed in bliss, those plush pillows against his own made his heart thunder. She melted into him for the first few seconds before she was pushing him away. She wiped her lips with the back of her hand and her face wrinkled in disgust.

“What the fuck.” John became angry. How could she deny him? They had been doing so good and there was no way he was lesser than her fiancé.

“Am I that revolting to you? You can’t even kiss me?”

“Why would I want to kiss you, John?! You’ve been cruel to me for the most part, ever since I came here. I’ve been trying to be professional with you.” He didn’t look surprised at the pained expression that followed her words. “Go away, John. That was uncalled for.” He growled inside and slammed a hand down onto the table she was standing next too. He pushed her aside and flipped it over, all of her paperwork and his flying around the room. She crunched up, pupils dilated as she gave him a fearful glance.

“You know what’s uncalled for. Why are you so stunning?! Why did the Lord have to make you look like an angel? It’s annoying to be honest and that fiancé of yours?! How could you fucking forget me like that?! Did you need a cock in you so badly that you decided to look around for another. That is uncalled for!” Her face softened and she bit her bottom lip.

“John?”

“No! No, no, no! Don’t John me. I’m in charge here, not you! This is my ranch and this is my family and my work, not yours. I say what goes and what doesn’t and I say you are forbidden from speaking on that stupid cell of yours.” Her face scrunched up. 

“You can’t make me, John. I’m an adult and if I want to speak with someone then I can.” He grabbed her phone from her unsuspecting fingers and threw it to the ground. It clashed into the tile, a few pieces breaking off of it and the screen cracking. Her jaw dropped as she overlooked the mess that was once her phone. “John!”

“Hope you didn’t remember your fiancé’s number, you’ll never be hearing from him again. You have an obligation to this-“

Smack!

She had slapped him. She had only ever smacked him a handful of times in his life and he could recall every last one of them.

_“It’s not like I need you or anything. I’m the best lawyer there is.”_

_Smack!_

_“What did you just say, John?”_

_“I’m sorry.”_

...

_“I might have punched him in the face. He’ll come back.”_

_Smack!_

_“He’s a client John, stop being so cocky.”_

“You don’t deserve to know, you big idiot, but my fiancé left me the day Joseph came to me.” She breathed, shoving his shoulder. She hurriedly crouched down to start picking up the papers scattered across the floor. John stood there, not sure what to say, not sure if he could say anything. She held the stack of papers to her chest and moved some piece of the phone out of the way to grab the SD card. “Suck my dick, John. If you don’t think I have one, it’s in my luggage upstairs and I won’t hesitate to shove it down your fucking throat.” She sneered as she rushed past him and up the stairs, she stopped at the top. “And how childish John, that you wouldn’t have kissed me had my laughter not given you a fucking hard on.” She then disappeared into the hall, the sound of her door slamming behind her.

How did she know? How did she know him so well still? Shouldn’t she have forgotten all of his quirks at some point?

“Elise!” He fumed, storming up the stairs and after her. The lock on her door clicked as he sped down the hallway, she wouldn’t have put it against him to kick it down. He slammed his fist against the door, teeth clenching, body furious. “Explain yourself now!” What did she mean that her fiancé left her?

“Go away, John!”

“Tell me and I will go!” He shouted back, he leaned his forehead against the door and waited for her to open it. She didn’t, but he could feel the vibrations through the door as she touched the other side. 

“I told Enzo about you.” She forced out, John sighed, placing his palm flat on the door and leaning against it.

“And what happened?”

“You left me John. You hurt me and you hurt me bad. What’s so hard to understand about that? You keep blaming me for this, but’s it was always you.” John cleared his throat uncomfortably, he shifted on his feet and looked down at the ground. “When I saw you, I could hardly breath. After all these years I thought I had done something wrong, so I never looked for you because you obviously didn’t want me....” He heard a sob from the other side of the door. “When you saw me, you didn’t even react. I meant nothing to you, right? I was just another pawn in your game of power. How could I be anything else to you? I told Enzo who you were and what you meant to me.” She punched the door, the first of many punches that would hit that wood. She was hysterically throwing her fists at it now, screaming to the heavens. “Enzo didn’t take it well. Joseph had given me a choice, he said I could go back to you or I could stay and never see you again. I couldn’t do it, John. I wasn’t strong enough. I should have just-I SHOULD HAVE FUCKING STAYED AWAY FROM YOU!” She grunted as she punched the door agaIn. “You just keep hurting me. I am trying to forgive you but you can’t decide what to do with me and I don’t know what I did to you.”

“Open the door.”

“No.”

“Open it now.” 

“Fuck off.” John lost all control of himself. He kicked at the door, Elise took a few giant steps away.

“I’m coming in whether you want me to or not!”

“Stop, John!” He kicked the door again and again until it was cracked open in the center and he could put his hand through to touch the knob. He found her in a broken state of distress, on the verge of collapse and she needed him. Tears were flowing down her cheeks, her face was as red as a tomato and her knuckles were bleeding.

“I want nothing to do with you.” She sniffled, her hands shaking as she wiped her wet face.

“I didn’t want you to be a part of this. I left because I thought you wouldn’t accept this, I thought you wouldn’t let me go with my family.” John admitted aloud, he had never wanted her to be involved in this. 

“I would have done anything for you, John. You are such a stupid man.”

“I know, I know.” He held his arms open for her to come to him and she didn’t move. John took those extra steps towards her . She placed her head on his chest and gripped her fingers along the collar of his button up shirt. He wrapped his arms around her tighter, pulling her closer and weaving his fingers through her hair. He smelled the silk strands, surprised that the scent he loved oh so much hadn’t changed. “I’m stupid.” He drew back to gently grasp her hands, she winced as his thumbs caressed over the torn up skin. “You hit the door pretty hard.”

“You should be lucky enough that it wasn’t you.”

“I would have rather you hit me.” She looked up at him, he was always so much taller than her. “I deserved it more than the door.” She cupped his cheek with her palm and caressed his beard. 

“It’s gonna take time, John. I won’t forgive you so quickly, but I want you to know that I’m here for you. That’s why I came, because I want to try again. Am I too naive to think that you would ever love me like you once did? Maybe so.” John didn’t know. He wasn’t sure if he could ever love again, not that he ever truly loved before, did he? When he would tell her, when he would say those words, were they ever true?

“I suppose the Lord will decide in time.” She nodded her head and John knew. John knew that she wasn’t satisfied with that answer, but it would have to do.


	5. Cleanse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning! This chapter has triggering abusive scenes, one might not want to read. The scenes are in Italic, but it basically highlights Elise's past.

“Elise, hurry up! We are going to be late!” John shouted from downstairs. He was absolutely furious, they had gotten into another argument that morning about the process of atonement. John had explained to her that he would need to cut the sin into her flesh after being baptized, confess her sins to him and he would reveal them for her but she wasn’t having it.

“I’m coming dearest.” She replied sarcastically, he could hear her heels clicking on the wood as she walked down the hall.

“You’re wearing heels?!” He growled, closing his eyes and trying to take deep breathes. She obviously wasn’t taking this as seriously as he did, he didn’t even want to know why she was still here if that was the case?

“I have to look presentable.” She explained snidely as she approached him. She was in a beautiful white short sleeved dress, with lace overlay. It suited quite well, fanning out at the bottom and flying out when she did a little spin following her words. She was astounding, as usual, but when he said formal this was not the type of formal he meant.

“I’m going to dip you into a lake, darling, are you sure you want to wear that dress.”

“Are you sure you want to wear that expensive suit and tie?” He pressed fingers to his temple and massaged there for a moment. She grabbed her purse and the both of them made their way out to his truck. That was when the wind picked up and he caught a very familiar scent lingering from her. It blew in his direction and he reached a hand out to stop her. She cocked her head at him in confusion as he dipped his head down towards her neck and sniffed. The scent was masculine and sharp, just him.

“Oh dear, is that my-“

“Your shampoo and conditioner? It is. I ran out of Shea Moisture and there’s no way I’m going to smell like shit.” His eyes nearly went to the back of his skull and he let out a noise in delight. 

“I love the smell of me on you.” He stated purely, biting his bottom lip and looking her up and down.

“John, that’s not happening. Not so soon.”

“You can’t confirm never.”

“Never.” She continued towards the truck, leaving John with this lovey expression on his face. He was hardening again, scenting him on her made him horny. Not to mention that her being around was causing an eruption in his libido. He hadn’t had sex in so long and then her, the only woman he had fucked, was devoted to for more than seven years straight was around him again. He smelled her perfume all over the cabin, he saw her in almost every fashion sense possible and she was always talking, in every sense of the word too. He couldn’t get her away from him. Sometimes he wondered if he wanted to. Now that he had her back, he didn’t know.

They arrived at the river just in the nick of time, Joseph was patiently waiting off to the side with Jacob and Faith. Elise rushed to Jospeh and gave him a firm hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“You are very excited to atone. That’s good, my child.”

“I just want to start over. I can’t wait to be a part of this project.” He held her hand, John’s jealousy bubbled up in him and he took off his coat to fold it nicely over a log. Several others were to be baptized today as well. He couldn’t focus on Elise at the moment, right now it should have all been about the project. 

“Hey, Elise.” Faith came up alongside Elise and grabbed her other hand, the two woman starting friendly conversation about the past few days. 

“Girls, enough. It’s starting.” Joseph admonished, but not without playful amusement on his expression. Elise felt nervous. She knew what was to come after she was baptized and she wasn’t sure if she was ready for it. Especially with John, the man of her life, her love. He said he would bleed into her flesh the workings of her confession, her sins blending with her skin and being revealed to the world. She was always so good at hiding things and John knew so very little about how much pain her childhood had brought her, but she remained. She needed this, she deserved it.

“Elise.” John called out, holding his hand out towards her. The water lapping at his hips, the book of Joseph in his other hand. Joseph and Faith released her hands, Faith gently ushering her towards the water. She was so afraid she was shaking, and she couldn’t figure out why. She took off her heels before entering the water completely, the dress floating up around her waist as she grabbed John’s hand and was brought closer to him. 

“We must wash away our pasts...” His eyes showed something deep, something warm and sincere and loving. He placed his palm over her collarbone and wrapped his other arm around her torso. “We must cleanse ourselves, we must atone.” He said aloud and just as she was dipped down into the water she felt the uncontrollable urge to kiss him. The water engulfed her, words muffled from above her as he spoke and when she rose up... The world was glowing. 

She felt sooo good. She grabbed his forearms and smiled at him. 

“John?”

“It’s alright, the bliss will take you now...” His words drifted away as her world faded around her and she was in undying pleasure and light. She found herself in a field of daisies, her favorite flowers and off in the distance she could hear childish laughter. 

“John?” For a brief moment she was scared, she didn’t know where she was. She looked up and saw two figures running around in circles, black hair flowing out behind one shorter one. She ran towards them, her eyes widening when she saw it was John. John and little girl, that looked very much like him. He stopped chasing her, chuckling as he reached down to lift her up.

“Look whose decided to show up.” He laughed, the little girl springing from his arms to rush into Elise.

“Mommy!” She hugged the girl with all her might, hugged her because she knew this wasn’t real and she would probably never be this happy again. This wasn’t just any child. This was the product of John and her, this was their beautiful daughter. She stood up to find John approaching, he wrapped his arms around her as well. His hand tracing down to the swell of her belly that she hadn’t noticed before.

“Let’s hope it’s a boy this time.”

“But I want a little sister!” The little girl pouted, causing John to snort, she crossed her arms and scrunched up her brows. 

“Then I’m gonna have to worry about those boys twice as much.” He picked her up in one arm and held her close with Elise, relishing in the moments he spared with his family. Elise had never seen him so happy before, he was shining with love.

“Eww, Daddy! Boys are gross.”

“That’s right they are and you should stay away from them for as long as possible.” She placed her head on his shoulder and sighed. She could live in this falsity forever, if she could have the choice she would. 

“I love you, both of you.” John smiled in return, stepping back with his daughter still in his arms.

They faded away, out of her grasp, she was panicking fighting back against the harsh shackles along her wrists. She was being pulled away from this pleasurable vision. This reality that felt so real and so tangible and she wanted if.

“Stop! Don’t take her from me! Please!”

“Elise!” Her eyes flashed open to find John’s cool blue eyes down into her own, worried yet curious. Her chest was heaving and her hands were shaking and she was sure she would have bruises on her wrists from John’s vice grip. She was on a cot, in the middle of a room that belonged to a cabin unfamiliar to her. An orange glow illuminated the room from a lantern in the corner on a table and in the background she could make out the Father’s figure.

His expression was neutral, serene and calm. Faith hurriedly entered, standing beside him with a steaming bowl of something in her hands. 

“Here, John.” She said as she handed it to him, John nudged for Elise to sit up. Elise didn’t hesitate to follow, she was in a state of confusion and shock. She wished she could go back into the bliss, the John there seemed different, the responsibility was gone. The Father must have known what she was thinking because he intervened in the silence almost immediately. 

“The bliss only shows us what we could have child, not what we do have. Those who can’t separate themselves from the first and the former become Angels.” John held the bowl up to her lips and she sipped from it, she moaned when the salty taste of chicken noodle soup enveloped her taste buds. Angels? What were Angels?

“You’ve been out for three days, I was beginning to worry.” John snorted apathetically, not willing to look up from the wooden floor as he assisted her with the soup. Three days?! Three days that she could have been doing something more productive. What was this?!

“What are angels?”

“They are the ones that delve too far into the bliss, the ones who can’t be pulled back out of it. Easy to control, but not easy to compromise with.”

“Hope that you never see one.” John stated, almost warning her against it completely. He could see that interested look in her eyes. She would willingly go out there find her own angel if she could. 

She quickly thought back to what she saw in the bliss, a life that she always wanted and she couldn’t help but tell John about it right then and there.

“John, I saw something. I saw-“

“Keep it to yourself, what you saw was only for yourself.” She wasn’t sure how to decipher John’s tone. He wasn’t angry, he wasn’t annoyed, and he wasn’t sad. He sounded like he was in business mode, a different type of business mode that she wasn’t familiar with. 

She looked to the Father and he nodded in response, he must have known what she had seen. He knows everything, right?

“It’s time to confess. Faith and I will be outside should you need us.” The Father explained softly, bowing his head before exiting the room. Elise took one last sip of the hot soup before John took it away. She then noticed that there was an assortment of knives and sharp objects lined up on the table. She felt herself shiver at the idea of what he might do with them, not in a delightful way. 

“J-John?” He stood up, placing the hot soup on the table he sighed as he leaned against it. She froze at his demeanor, she wasn’t sure what to do with this John, she had no way of knowing what he might do next. She had never felt like she had with him in that moment. 

“Atonement is a beautiful thing. I do recall in our last conversation you had said it was vile and sadistic.” He lifted a long and serrated knife from the table and held it up in the light of the lantern. Her breath hitched and her hands tighten into fists around the soft cloth of the blanket beneath her. “But once you confess, once you say those words that so desperately need to escape. You too will call it beautiful.”

“John? I don’t know if I can do this right now.”

“The faster we do this,” He placed the knife down and she let out a sigh of relieve. “The less we have to worry about it later, am I correct?” It was rhetorical question, she gulped and leaned back again the wall that the cot was shoved up again. She closed her eyes and made an attempt to calm her nerves, she was shaking. He faced her, his gaze was dark and void of mercy. She didn’t know this John, did she? “I want you to tell me everything. I want you to tell me your darkest secrets and your deepest regrets. I want to know everything.” He stood there, waiting for her to start her so called ‘confession. 

She was in the spotlight, on the clock, the main event and John wanted her to open wounds that she hadn’t tampered with in years. He didn’t know everything, he didn’t know what she was about to tell him but perhaps it was for the best. She took a deep breath and then-then she let it all out.

“When I was little I used to be jealous of everyone; all my friends, my teachers, everyone.”

“And why was that?” 

“My parents they were...” She felt a tightness in her throat and the words were becoming harder and harder to force from her mouth. “They abused me.” She wrapped herself in her arms, unable to look up and meet John’s gaze. “I hated them for it.” She growled, cheeks twitching as an undying rage overcame her. “While everyone else had someone who loved them, I had fucking parents that wouldn’t even give me a hug or a kiss.” Tears streamed down her face and she shook them away. “My teacher found out, must have been all the bruises and the cuts. It was just when I thought God was going to finally give me a break.”

-

_“You are not taking our daughter away!” Her mother grabbed her like a rag doll and tore her away towards the house. Elise kept trying to fight, one of the officers stormed forward and fought back for her. She climbed up into his arms when her mother finally let her go and she cried. She cried into the officers neck as her mother and father were walked away in handcuffs for child abuse and endangerment._

_-_

_“Hey my beautiful girl.” Elise hid behind her caretakers leg as she stared at the older woman ahead of her. “I’m your grandmother.” She looked so full of life and so loving. Something that Elise had craved since the moment she could understand what love was._

_-_

_“I love you so-“ She sucked in a huff of air. Her skin a sickly color and her hair was gone. Her grandmother’s fantastic and lovely hair was gone and she was dying. Elise tried to keep a brave face on as she watched, but it was too much and she exploded in sobs. “I love you so much.” Her grandmother gasped, closing her eyes and grabbing her hand. “Stay strong.”_

_She hated God after that._

_-_

_Ding dong!_

_Elise stood tall. A large man answered the door. He was wearing a white tank top and plaid pajama pants, with the slightest 5 o’clock shadow along his jaws and no hair._

_“Hey, how are ya’?” His accent was strong, as was the accent of the city. There were beaming lights and loud horns of cars honking away._

_“Hello Mr. Jameson, we are here with your niece.”_

_“Oh yeah, of course, I didn’t forget.”_

_“Of course, you didn’t.” The woman deadpanned sarcastically. Her Uncle bent down to reach her level, he smiled to reveal a bright white smile and held his hand out._

_“Hey sweetheart, I’m your uncle.” He stood up and looked over his shoulder. “Mimi!” He shouted, “Come say ‘Hi’ to your niece.” Mimi was way older than her, way more mature, but after that Mimi was there for her whenever she was needed._

_-_

_“Your Uncle was a piece of shit anyways, he deserved to get shot.” She kept her mouth shut, once hoping that she would never see her old man ever again and here she was. “Your cousin was just as bad, killing herself like that what a fucking idiot.”_

_“Shut up!” She screamed, nobody had a right to talk about her family like that. Her father slammed on the breaks and reached across the console to grab her knee hard. She screamed and killed as he started hitting her with his other hand._

_“You have no fucking right to talk to me that way, you little slut!”_

_“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Please stop!” She begged, he silenced and she had little time to collect herself before he parked in front of her new high school._

_-_

_“Hey, you coming to the party tonight?” Hannah, one of Elise’s best friends, asked. Elise looked up from the book she was reading and she shook her head._

_“I don’t think so, I have two tests tomorrow.”_

_“Oh come on, stop being such a baby.” Beyond her friend she could make out the familiar figure of her secret crush in the distance. Hannah followed her gaze and grinned, then glanced back down at Elise. “John Duncan will be there.” Elise blinked and quickly tried to cover up the fact that she was watching. He was so attractive though and intelligent, if only he would notice a girl like her._

_“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Hannah sighed, plopping down beside her against the tree. Elise was more focused on the book she was reading than all the life that was flashing before her eyes. Hannah grabbed her hand and Elise met her sharp eyes._

_“Moments like this don’t last forever, sister. Life goes by fast, make sure that you actually live it.”_

-

“I’m done.” She said as she finished up her confession and she was so much more than done. She had just slept for three days and she was exhausted and she was scared. “Are you happy, John? I told you everything, I confessed. Can I go now?” She squeezed her eyes tightly when she felt his palm capture her cheeks, soft and gentle. He turned her to face him, to look at him, but her eyelids were slid shut in a vice.

“Look at me.” His voice sent tingles throughout her body and she knew if she looked he would have her for good. Her eyelids gently fluttered open, because she didn’t mind John Seed having a hold of her anymore. In fact, she didn’t care. There she saw the most sincere and concerned expression on his face that had ever seen. “I’m sorry.” He muttered, truthfully he felt nothing but guilt. “I assumed you knew no pain and I was wrong. I know your sin and I now know what happened to you. You don’t deserve that and I don’t deserve you.” And you replied to that statement with the harshest tone ever.

“John, I don’t think you can ever deserve me.”


	6. Date Night

“Hey Jake,” John’s eyes darted up from the newspaper he was reading and he glared at her. She was smiling, laughing even and John could feel that green monster grow within him. “Oh yeah?” She bit her bottom lip as she looked down at her nails. John continued to watch because he warned her about Jacob countless times, she was talking to another man, she was-the truth was that he missed her. After everything that had happened, he now realized that he had made a mistake. She carried the same scars as him and she carried the same sins. “I’m not doing anything tonight if you want to come pick me up.” John’s hand formed a fist and he looked back down to the newspaper. “Don’t worry! I’m not some girly girl, I can handle some dirt.” She chuckled, if only John could hear what was being said.

*I’ve never heard of a city girl that doesn’t mind getting dirty.* 

“Oh I can get really dirty.” She purred and John’s eyes widened. Jacob hummed deeply on the other side and John really wished he knew what was being said then because Elisa’s face turned red like a tomato.

“I will see you around 5. No, that’s great. Thanks, bye.” She put the phone down as she hung up, John tried to keep his mouth shut but he couldn’t.

“Going on a date with my older brother I see. Even though he is what? Twenty-six years older than you.” She didn’t respond as she calmly lifted her gaze up from the documents she was filling out. 

“I never said I was against dating Daddy material.” She shrugged her shoulders, John gulped, not sure how to respond to her rebellious side that he missed so much. 

“You’ve called me Daddy a couple times. A man doesn’t have to be a decade or more older than you for that to count.”

“But he does have to be good in bed and maybe I misused that name when we were together, you never know.” John’s jaw dropped as she gathered her papers and stood up. “Now if you don’t mind, I don’t have time for your jealousy. I have work to finish before my date and I will be in my room if you need me.” 

* * *

John watched her leave, he didn’t stop her because he didn’t have the energy to. She wasn’t interested in him anymore, it would never happen again. Later that day she came down the stairs dressed in a pair of blue jeans, expensive cowboy boots and a red flannel. The flannel was unbuttoned just slightly to reveal a camo green tank top underneath. Her hair was done up in a a messy bun and she was wearing bright red lipstick. She was beautiful, but John knew that she wasn’t dressed like that for him.

“What do you think-“ There was a hard knock on the door. She nearly ran to answer it, John saw that she was excited and it only made his depression worse. She swung the door open and Jacob was standing there in his usual army jacket and cargo pants getup. The only difference was that his hair was slicked back and he actually didn’t look like a pile of dirt. 

“Hi Jacob.”

“Hi Sweetheart, you look amazing.”

“Thanks, Jake.” Jacob entered the cabin and waved at his brother.

“Hey John.”

“Hello.” John was usually so much more talkative, you decided to ignore the change. He couldn’t always get his way like some baby.

“Ready to go?”

“Let’s do this.” She took Jacob’s hand, closing the door behind her as they left and John stared at the door for a long minute before going back to his office. 

Jacob took Elise to the Veteran’s Hospital, he showed her around and gave her a look at all of the experiments and training that he did there. She was very impressed, giving some pointers here and there from books she had read about conditioning and it’s uses. Any normal person would have ran out of there at the first sight of blood. The entire time he walked her around she held his bicep, marveling at how thick and how strong he was. After that he took her on a marvelous drive around the Whitetail Mountains to show her his region and how much better controlled it was than John’s.

At the end of the night, when the moon was fully out and the clock struck midnight, Jacob parked his truck on the edge of an outlook. The both of them sat there and talked to one another about their experiences and their life. Despite all of this, it didn’t matter how much fun she had, or how much she really liked Jacob, she longed for John and she hated it. She wanted to push that away so when Jacob leaned in to kiss her she reciprocated. She reciprocated everything, he was just one hunk of muscle. 

He flipped her onto her back on the truck bed, starting at her throat with harsh biting and sucking. She couldn’t contain the moans that were erupting from her and she realized that she was longing for more, but then it hit her. It hit her like a ton of bricks and she suddenly didn’t want this. She felt revolted by herself and she had never felt like that. She nudged Jacob to ‘stop’ and even spoke the words, Jacob was polite enough to do so. 

“I’m sorry.” She said softly, she could faintly make out Jacob’s expression in the moonlight and it was stoic as ever. “I don’t think I can do this.” It was silent, a strong silence that blended in with the grasshoppers chirping away.

“Why not?” He asked, although she hadn’t expected that from him and she realized that perhaps it was best to just say it. She grabbed his hand and wove her fingers through his.

“I really want to fuck you right now Jacob, but I can’t do that. I’d just be thinking of John.” Then Jacob did something that she hadn’t expected at all, he snorted.

“Well, you passed your test. I’m too old for you anyways.”

“Hey, I have a thing for older guys too. Hot old guys, that is.” He removes his hand from hers and she let out a deep breath. “And what do you mean test?”

“You aren’t my type, I just wanted to see if you’d go through with it.” So he just wanted to see if she would choose him over John? Was he mind fucking her this entire time? Too easy to manipulate then? She ignored it for now, what was done was done and she couldn’t blame Jacob for being apprehensive about her.

“I don’t know what to do, Jake. I shouldn’t love him, he’s hurt me.”

“I don’t know why you are asking me I’m not good with this lovey dovey shit. Everything I’ve done was to get my brother pissed off and it was worth it.” She laughed at that, because it really was worth seeing John’s look of jealousy.

“You aren’t wrong.”

“You know what I would do if I were you?”

“Probably kill him.” She joked and Jake shook his head even though that comment amused him greatly.

“You can only ever know if someone is strong enough when they make their sacrifice for you. Put yourself in a situation where you can see if he is willing to sacrifice himself for you and see his true colors.” Holy shit, Jacob the therapist over here.

“That actually isn’t half bad advice.”

“Yeah, don’t mention it.” She smiled, “no seriously, if my fucking men find out about this-“

“Jacob, I’m not gonna tell anyone about us.”

“My brother looked like a lost puppy when you left.” She sighed, fiddling with her thumbs now that Jacob had let go.

“That’s his expression when he doesn’t get what he wants.”

“I know, it made my day.” She nodded, she had had fun on this date, but for some reason she couldn’t go through with this and she supposed that was okay. The only man she ever really loved had come back into her life and it was up to her whether or not she was gonna go through with being with him again. “Want to head back now?”

“Yeah, sure.” Jacob drove her back, he didn’t say another word. She was glad that he understood, even though he thought he didn’t.

When they got back to the ranch the lights were out and she figured John must have gone to bed. She wondered how she could make John prove himself without even knowing it, see if John could actually care for her. He probably wouldn’t pass his test because he just didn’t care. He wouldn’t ever deserve her again, it didn’t matter how much she cared about him. 

She kept feeling the scars, the ones that John had made. Lust, Greed, Pride, all dangerous sins to be walking around with but she supposed that no one cared. Not like John, John would have to live with the pain that he brought her and it felt good to put that on him. Part of her wanted to take it all back though, make things better, be able to feel his body against hers in a loving embrace again. So perhaps it would work, this plan that she was starting to make. This plan that she was slowly piecing together, that she would throw at him when he least expected it. Tomorrow, when he wouldn’t even suspect a thing. Next week, when he was still pouting about the date.

“Elise?!” His familiar voice shouted from upstairs. He was drunk, she could tell by the struggle to shout and the very slight slur in her name. His footsteps stampeded down the stairs, and he was stomping way over to her, hardly able to stand. “Well don’t you have a glow about you.” She crossed aher arms and inspected him from head to toe. His vest was off, his shirt slightly unbuttoned and his shoes discarded somewhere. His hair was falling loosely from its once gelled up self and he wreaked of alcohol.

“John, I thought you stopped drinking.”

“Why do you give a shit?” He flung a hand in her direction, a bottle of whiskey in the other. His eyes were bloodshot and he looked as if he had been crying. “How’s your date with my brother?” Her eyes softened and her shoulders drooped, reminded of the drunken nights they shared together crying in each other’s arms. She still feel so angry with him and she’s not sure what to think or do. She knows that drunk John won’t do her any harm and right now it doesn’t matter how she feels she just knows that she wants to be near him.

“It was nice. We just talked, can’t consider it a date really. He showed me what he does in the mountains.”

“And what’s does you think?” She approached him, his eyebrows crunches up in confusion. He looked appalled almost as she wrapped an arm around his waist and hugged him. She rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes. Even when he smelt like whiskey he smelled good. 

“I think he approves of me being here...” She drew back and patted his shoulder. “With you.”

“Why did you come back?” John asked in a whisper, she grabbed his free hand and guided him to the couch in front of the fire place. She sat him down and leaned on his shoulder, he offered the whiskey to her and she gladly accepted it. She took a swig and then placed it down in between them, curling up against his side. She stared into the empty fire place with him and relished in the moment. 

“I came back because I believe in true love and I love you.” She snuggled in closer to him and closed her eyes to keep from crying. “I love you so much and I hate it, but I also wouldn’t change it for the world.” She shouldn’t have been worrying about her tears, because suddenly John was sobbing. His body shaking and trembling, tears dripping down his cheeks like waterfalls into his thick beard. She sat up and looked at him, unable to keep herself from crying and it wasn’t even from the alcohol. “John, why are you crying?” She cupped his cheeks and forced him to look at her, her own tears streaming down her face.

“I hurt you and you still love me. I hurt you more than any other person could hurt you.”

“God didn’t make us perfect, we make mistakes and we learn from them. I think he brought me back to you, so that I can be here for you. You need someone John, I need someone. Whether you like it or not I’m here to stay.” She kisses his forehead, he sniffled and his eyes darted across your face almost anxiously.

“Can I kiss you?” She released a breath she didn’t know she was holding, his arm wrapped around her shoulders and he drew her closer.

“Please.” She whispered, he tilted his head down to softly press his lips against hers. The contact unleashed a ferocity in them that neither of them had felt in years. She compared the kiss to Jacob’s, to her fiancés and unlike the other time John had kissed her by force this kiss was different. She could feel her life source growing, these feelings within her becoming stronger and she couldn’t let him go. His tongue slipped past her lips and he tasted of whiskey and another taste that was completely personal to him. 

She poured herself into the kiss and loved every minute of it. She didn’t want to break from him and that was when he tugged her gently onto his lap. There was nothing sexual behind it, everything intimate and loving. They both drew away, breathing each other’s breaths, eyes stilled closed. 

“I love you.” John spoke softly, eyelids fluttering open, he couldn’t take his eyes off of her then. She was the most beautiful thing in his world. Her eyelashes touching the very tops of her cheeks, those cheeks that were so flushed, her lips so plump and flushed. 

“No, you don’t love me. You lust for me, but you don’t love me.” The words weren’t supposed to be venomous or irate, instead they left her with understanding and softness. "I don't think you ever have really.'

“What do you want from me?” 

“I have been asking myself that ever since I came here.” Her body stuttered in hesitancy as she leaned away from him, his hand sliding down her back to release her. She grabbed the bottle of whiskey and situated herself on the other side of the couch with the drink in hand.

“We are fucked up, aren’t we?”

“Only a little bit.” And John’s boisterous laughter filled the ranch, and part of Elise wished that everything was alright. It wasn’t.


	7. A Time In Need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get really heated in this chapter, we have some lesbian sex going on. It is fantastic and I hope that all of you enjoy. Its a pretty long chapter too, pretty much Faith and Elise becoming closer and "bonding".

After that night things started to change around the ranch and within Eden’s Gate. Many members of Eden’s Gate had started to put Elise on a pedestal. She honesty didn’t know what to say or do, sometimes she couldn’t get a single moment to herself after mass. Joseph explained to her that it was something that came with becoming a figurehead and a leader. Lots of people started calling her ‘Eve’, they started to consider her to be a herald. Everyone approved and to her surprise, even John agreed with the status she was given. 

John was a lot nicer to her, putting flowers out for her in the morning and telling her goodnight before she’d go to bed. He’d bought her a few new dresses, all in styles that she absolutely adored. She was so taken aback by this sudden change in him that she was too distracted to see if John would make his sacrifice. He wasn’t as nosy as he was before, he wasn’t constantly trying to control her every action. Some nights it felt like there had been no bad deeds between them and she found that she was becoming too comfortable with that. 

She was giving John a second chance, without having him show anything for it other than kindness and money. She couldn’t help but feel that they were falling into the same relationship they had been in before. John could act as nice as possible but that didn’t mean a thing. He hurt her and he hurt her bad.

She thought she could overlook it but Jacob was right. John needed to make a sacrifice for her that proved that he loved her. She was slightly afraid of what she might find. Yet again, she had given everything up in her life for John. Her fiancè, the firm, her heart and no one had asked her too. She had even given up her morals, not completely agreeing with the violence that Eden’s Gate wrought. She did it all out of love; a destructive, chaotic thing that can ruin anyone’s life but she found that it was also giving her a life. 

She couldn’t deny that she wanted what she had seen in her bliss filled vision, but she knew that it would be far less simple than that. This revelation didn’t deter her of any love with John, but it definitely did put her a little more on the cautious side. She still was stumped as to how she could test John’s love for her. She wasn’t so cruel as to do something that might change who he truly was. She spent a lot of time with John now and his company was amazing to her, but something always felt like it was missing. He didn’t love her, she could feel it in the air and in his presence. Did he ever love her at all? Her answer was always ‘no’ to that question, but what then? Should she even try with him? Should she just be content with what they had now? He was being kind to her and he said the other night that he loved her, but that didn’t mean a thing. John seed was like a piece of chocolate; smooth on the inside but hard to bite into. He was an unknown flavor and it didn’t matter how many times she had had him, he was hard to decipher. 

The John she was with years ago was a lie and she knows that now, a facade. Some things the same and others not, he was always wearing a mask. She thought she was too and maybe she was, but not like the mask that John wore. He was so good at lying, she could never trust him the same.

“Elise!” John called from downstairs, she stood up from the bed, covered in paperwork and left her room to go see what he wanted. “You have a letter.” He definitely wasn’t treating her the same as he had before. She had only been here for about two months and he had finally been treating her with such grace. She tiptoed down the stairs, where John met her at the bottom with the letter extended to her.

“Some guy named Malcolm.” 

“Hmm...” 

“Maybe an ex-lover.” John teased with a quirky smile. 

“Shut it.” She smiled back at him and slapped his shoulder as she shoved past him towards the couch. She inspected the letter, it was in a dark blue envelope and it had come from Atlanta, Georgia.

“Any idea, who he is?” John was curious to and so he plopped down beside her on the couch as she opened it. She withdrew clean parchment, three pages worth with clean cursive on them. “Let me see.” He hovered over her shoulder and she scooted away to get some space. 

“Stop, John.” She glanced back down to the letter and her breath caught in her throat. 

_Dear Sister,_

_You probably don’t know me but I have been looking for you for many, many years. I am your older brother, you wouldn’t remember me cause you were but a little girl when I left. I suppose..._

As the letter went on he talked about his life, where he had been all of these years and why he had left. He apologized for leaving her with their father and had ended the letter with hopes that she would send him a reply. When she finished reading, her face felt wet and for a moment she wondered what was going on: she was crying. She glanced up and John was looking at her with concern, curious as to what would have caused her to start sobbing out of the blue.

“Elise, do you want me to leave or... Are you okay?”

“I have an older brother, John.” John’s eyes widened in shock and he cocked his head to the side.

“What happened to him? Why didn’t I know about this?”

“Because I just found out about it in this letter.” She folded the pages back up and ducked her head down. Her legs were tucked up against her chest and she was having trouble finding her thoughts, and even her words. John didn’t know what to do, so he slowly sat up and left for the kitchen. He came back a few moments later with two glasses of brandy. She didn’t find herself in the mood for alcohol but she accepted it anyway.

“And this is why you are an alcoholic.”

“Hey, I don’t drink like I used to.”

“Yeah, but drinking your sorrows away with liquor doesn’t help anything.” She sipped at the brandy and he grinned at her.

“You say this as you do it of your own accord.” The both of them sat there silently, drinking their brandy. She found this was his way of comforting her as a friend, rather than a lover. She found herself wishing for the latter. She placed the letter on the coffee table and sat back with a sigh.

“Can you go get some more?”

“Darling, it’s the middle of the day.” He let out a nervous chuckle. “I thought it’d calm your nerves just to have one and-“

“Please.” She closed her eyes, he didn’t say a word. She could hear him get up from the couch to go get the whole bottle and when he came back she quickly snatched it from his hands.

“What’s gotten into you? I understand that this news is tough to swallow, but you said it yourself, Elise. Liquor won’t help you.” 

“John,” She muttered, gesturing with her free hand for him to take a seat. “I have lived every single day of my life, following a path that was as straight as it could be for the environment I was raised in. I hardly went to parties in college, I’ve never done drugs, I’ve only had sex with three guys in my entire life. I mean, fuck, I’m an independent woman that’s a lawyer and I work hard everyday of my life. Right now, I just want to get drunk and sit here. I just want to sit here, John, is that okay?” Her voice was leveled and she had this strict gleam in her eye. John had never seen her like this before and so he nodded his head in understanding. 

“Alright, I have work to do. Is there anything I can get for you before I leave you?”

“No, this will do.” He placed his half empty glass on the table and left to go to his office. She was all alone then, sitting in the middle of the Seed ranch and staring at a fire place with no fire. She took a swig of the bottle, telling herself that it’s contents will catch up with her in a few more swigs. 

She was tired. Finding John again had already drained her emotionally and then having to deal with his hatred for a while was even worse, now she had this. She was going through this and she needed someone. She needed sex but she wasn’t just gonna have it with anyone. John wasn’t on her list of people, John didn’t deserve her. 

At this point the alcohol was taking up rational thought and she wasn’t sure what was her and what wasn’t. She sat there for about an hour, read the letter again and again and again and then decided on what to do. After another hour she finally acted on it, drunk by now with nearly the entire bottle gone she picked up the phone. Her fingers dialed in the number, she had to cancel multiple times due to her drunken stupor pushing random buttons. 

“Faith?” She slurred into the phone.

*Hey Elise, are you okay?*

“Yeah, are you?” Her word’s were slow and deep, slightly muffled at the end. She leaned her head on the couch and sighed.

*I’m doing fantastic, the bliss is really taking well to the ecosystem. Jacob finally complimented me today for it.* Elise knew Jacob would never compliment Faith without there being some motive behind it. *He said he would like to use the bliss in his experiments.* There it was.

“That’s great, Faith. You said you’d do anything for me, right?” This was wrong on so many levels, but Elise was drunk and it didn’t come to her that John was just a few steps away or that she probably should go lay down. 

*Of course, sister, you mean the world to me.*

“Can you come over? I’ve been having a tough time and I need some company.”

*I’m on my way right now. Why? Is John being mean to you again?*

“No...” She gulped, having never done this before with a woman. “I just need someone.” 

“I’ll be right over.” Elise hung up with a slight ‘goodbye’ and then she decided it’d be best to go tell, John. All she had to do was get to him without falling. She got up from the couch and tripped over a little, then stood up again. For some reason her leggings were so restricting, she grabbed the hem and pulled them off. Thinking how much better it was to walk without the leggings, she left them on the ground. She approached John’s office, using the walls as support. The door was cracked open and she pressed a hand against it, leaning in the doorway.

John lifted his harsh gaze from the paperwork he was filling out and up at the woman standing in his doorway. Her eyelids drooped and her cheeks were bright red. It did not occur to her that she was standing in her underwear and a tank top before her ex-boyfriend.

“Elise, you’re drunk.” 

“I am.” She breathed loudly, reaching her arms up over her head and grabbing the top frame of the door to hang off of it. “I am really drunk.”

“Well, why don’t you go take a nap?” John offered, trying to calm the situation. His eyes darted to her underwear for a moment and then he rolled his eyes. He got up to help her stand, so he could guide her to her room. 

“I can’t. I invited Faith over, wanted to talk girly stuff with her.” John didn’t think anything of it, Faith could watch drunk Elise while he worked. 

“Alright, well let me take you to your room at least.”

“Okay.” He was guiding her to the room, her slow pace eventually annoyed him till he was picking her up and carrying her himself. She wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her head on his chest. “It’s a shame. I wish I could fuck you, but I can’t.” She muttered against his skin, sending a tidal wave of goose flesh across his creamy skin. John sighed in aggravation, his teeth clenching and his pace quickened as he sped to her room.

“I told you this was a bad idea and you didn’t listen.”

“I needed this, I’ve been too stress late.” She felt tears pouring down her cheeks and she wished she could hold him tighter because she might never be able to get the opportunity again. 

“Like what?” He entered the room and rested her gently on the bed, her arms refusing to let go. She looked into his eyes, so soft and loving and her drunken self rejected them out of fear and anger. She let him go and spun onto her side. 

“I have to go, tell Faith to come up here.” She grunted, John pulled back with an incredulous look on his face. He crossed his arms, stomping towards the door with a pout. 

“If you need anything, shout for me, okay?” She let out a noise in response, she wasn’t going to go to sleep she was gonna wait for Faith to get there. Faith, with such soft skin and such plump breasts and such beautiful lips. Faith that would help her get the release she wanted. 

About thirty minutes later, Elise heard a knock at the door. She jolted up, nearly falling onto her face as her legs gave out. Still drunk, somehow she rushed to the door without falling. Faith was on the other side, in that slender yet so innocent looking dress of hers. Elise was growing more and more horny at the thought of what was underneath.

“John told me what happened, how are you?”

“I’m doing, I guess. Can you come in?” Faith entered, Elise gently closing the door behind her. Excitement bubbled in her and she just wanted to jump into it and experience what it was like to be with a woman.

“It must be hard.” Elise leaned back against the door and bit her bottom lip, not missing the way Faith glanced down to her underwear and back up to her breasts.

“It is and I called you here because I need you to help me.” Faith shifted on the edge of the bed and nodded her head.

“Anything, sister.” Elise locked the door and smiled at her, her drunken haze lifting only a bit but she was starving for it still. This wasn’t the liquor, this was desire. 

“Where’s John?”

“He let me in, but he went back to his office.” Elise nodded, Faith being as cute and as timid as ever and Elise was completely fine in taking control.

“Well, I couldn’t go to Jacob because he reminds me of John and I couldn’t go to John because he doesn’t deserve me anymore.” Faith’s face lit up with concern, she placed her hands in her lap.

“Is everything alright, Elise?”

“I just need release, Faith.” Elise went to the bed, falling onto it beside Faith and curling up into a ball. “I no longer own a firm, John doesn’t love me, and now I just found out that I have an older brother.” Faith patted her back, her fingers feel so nice and warm and comforting. 

“It’s alright, Elise. God has a plan and you are so strong. Things will work out.” Elise sat up, wiping away a few stray tears. She turned to Faith, who was giving her a subtle smile and trying to give her comfort. 

“I’m going t' ask you to do something that will either strengthen our friendship, or destroy it.” Faith tilted her head at Elise and nodded her head for her to continue. Elise wiped a few more tears away and then reached to grab Faith’s hand. Her fingers were nimble and they fit perfectly into her own. “Will you have sex with me?” Faith didn’t tear her hand away, she didn’t gasp or ogle, she simply sat there for a moment. Her cheeks painted red and her breath hitched.

“I didn’t take you to be into girls, Elise.”

“Well,” She swallowed hard and then shrugged. “I’ve never made love to a girl and you are just so hot. I want every piece of you right now.”

“You are also drunk.” Faith laughed and Elise groaned, biting her bottom lip nervously. 

“I am, but not enough to where I don’t know what I’m doing. I just need someone, I need some contact and some love. I figured because you are a woman and my friend and my sister, you would be willing to give that to me. You also know how the female body works, we could pleasure each other greatly.” Faith’s fingers then parted from Elise’s own and she thought she was going to deny her. Yet those fingers connected with her skin again, rising up along her forearm and skimming her bicep to her shoulder.

“Elise, it’s a sin to be so lusty for another but I won’t deny that I-“ Faith took in a deep breath, her diaphragm rising and falling. “I have thought of being with you sexually before, many times.” This was news to Elise and it made her long for Faith’s touch that much more. 

“Do you love me?” Elise didn’t want to take advantage of Faith for her own self, she wanted Faith to know that she loved John. 

“I love you as a sister and as a friend, but I would never consider you to be my love. They are out there somewhere else.” Elise grinned and nodded her head, Faith returning the gesture.

"That's a relief. I mean if you did love me I would be okay with it, but I also don't want to use you." Faith smiled at her softly, lovingly and with care.

"I do love you, as a sister and a friend and if we do this, then we can be beyond that." Elise nodded her agreement, she wasn't going to let this opportunity fly away. Her drunken thoughts were scattered and she wasn't even thinking about her long-lost brother anymore. 

“So I know how this works, but I’m not sure how comfortable you are with things.”

“I’ll do anything you want me to do.” Faith laughed, she was excited too it seemed. 

“Let’s undress.” Elise said, wanting to see Faith’s naked body and feel it against her own. Faith removed the flowers in her hair. They both got up from the bed to start undressing, Faith placed the flowers on the dresser and she started to lift her dress. Elise watched with lust filled eyes as she had a little trouble pulling her tank top up over her head. Her breasts popped out, the nipples hardening as they made contact with the air in the room, arousal peaking in her. Faith’s dress fell to the ground and she wore nothing more than underwear, she grabbed the hem and Elise stopped her.

“Wait.” Faith gulped as she looked over Elise’s body, gushing with desire and heat. Faith’s body was impeccable. Her breasts were pert and the nipples were darker than the skin around them. They were hard as they poked out of her chest. Faith’s skin was smooth and natural, she had scars on her wrists from long ago and a dimple here and there. Elise reached a hand out for Faith and Faith grabbed it, Elise guided her back towards the bed and laid back onto it. 

“Fuck Faith, you are making me so wet. I can’t wait to feel your pussy.” Faith’s lips parted at Elise’s words, she truly was so desperate for this. Faith crawled up onto the bed, upon Elise’s guidance. “Do you feel it to, Faith?”

“Ohhh, I want you.” Faith whined and Elise nodded, she then flipped Faith onto her back gently. They hadn’t kissed yet and Elise was quick to fix that problem. Elise placed her legs on either side of Faith’s waist and leaned down to kiss her. Faith’s hips bucked up as she wrapped her arms around Elise and they both started to make out. Elise snaked her tongue into Faith’s mouth, moaning when Faith’s teeth teasing at her. Elise put her thigh between Faith’s legs, the wetness of her cunt soaking the apex of her underwear. Faith squirmed against Elise’s thigh, her legs closing it between them. She was feeling not enough pressure to bring her into that pleasure state.

Elise drew away from the kiss, then started pecking across her cheek and down her neck to her breasts. Faith let out a squeak when Elise’s mouth engulfed one of her nipples, she sucked on it hard and nipples gently at the top as she sucked. She addressed the other nipple with the same courtesy. Faith tastes so good, her skin was clean and she smelled like flowers.

“Oh holy-Joseph doesn’t ever let me be with anyone.”

“Well, he doesn’t have to know about this.” Elise breathed heavily, then started kissing down to her underwear. She stopped above the hem, where a happy trail was dipping into the fabric.

“John, doesn’t have to know-to know either.” Elise kissed her way back up Faith’s body and towards her lips. “God Faith, your body is so fucking beautiful.” Elise then lowered her crotch down to Faith’s and both of them hissed at the raw heat and wetness that they could feel trough their undergarments. They both moaned as Elise started to grind hard against Faith’s pelvis. Faith lifted her hips to meet Elise’s thrusts and then she sat up on her elbows to capture Elise’s lips.

Elise moaned and whined, she was so horny and so needy for more that she couldn’t help herself. She swiftly drew her hips back, Faith bit her bottom lip at the loss. Elise shuffled Faith’s underwear off, giving her a sultry glance in the eyes. Faith wasn’t trimmed by any means, she was all natural, thick hairs and everything. Faith seemed to shy away at this fact, as when Elise removed her underwear she only had a small landing strip. 

“Is something wrong?” Elise asked, wondering if she was moving too fast. Faith’s lips pursed and she nodded her head.

“I don’t know if you want yours touching mine.” Elise simpered and then crawled forward over Faith’s body again.

“I really do though...” Elise’s hand tenderly cupped Faith’s breast, her eyes following the movement. She glided her hand downward and Faith’s body twitch slightly. “Your body is so magnificent and your sweet little pussy looks so good. I could make you come right now. Do you want that Faith? Do you want me make you come?”

“I do, I want it so much, Elise. Don’t you think it’s gross though?”

“Gross?” Elise’s eyebrow’s furrowed and she shook her head vigorously. “Every woman has a different style and yours is exactly how you like it and it represents you. I think you’re beautiful. I want you, Faith.” Elise lowered her pussy down to Faith’s, using one hand to spread Faith’s lips so that their clits were right up against each other. The warmth transferred, as did their fluids mix and the wetness between them gave the advantage for movement. 

“How does it feel?”

“It feels like-oh my god. It’s sooo good, Elise.” 

“Yeah, that’s right baby girl. Your little clit against mine, it’s making me burn for you so fucking hard.” Faith closed her eyes and arched her body as she tried to get some friction between her legs. Elise took this as a sign and she started grinding down hard onto Faith’s clit, an obscene sound and smell emanating from their slippery body parts. The pleasure was building up in Elise and she was losing control. She could feel the drunkenness in her and she could feel the soberness. Faith was moaning aloud, her fingers clenching at the sheets as she felt that same pleasure in her body. “Oh yeah, Faith. Faith you are amazing.” 

“Elise, oh Elise.” If it was possible, the both of them were becoming wetter. Elise places a leg over Faith’s and she scissored herself in such a perfect way. She firmly grabbed a hold of Faith’s thick thigh and started to grind harder.

“Oh fuck! Mmm, I’m gonna cum so hard for you Faith.”

“Please, Elise. Cum with me.” 

Bang! Bang! Bang! 

“What is going on in there?” John’s yelled angrily from the other side and Elise didn’t stop. She was still so drunk and nothing felt wrong, nothing at all. She gazed into Faith’s watery eyes and continued to grind on her, this time with more of a roll to her hips.

“Elise.” Faith hissed, “John is gonna be angry.”

“I don’t care.” She placed her hands on either side of Faith and leaned down to kiss her as he hips kept snapping and snapping. Elise was growing closer and closer to her orgasm, she could feel Faith’s wetness furthering her arousal.

BANG! BANG! 

“Elise Jameson! Answer me!” Elise drew from the kiss for a moment.

“Fuck off, John. This is my private time.” She went back to kissing Faith, coordinating her thrusts with the movements of her tongue. Their bodies slipping and sliding against one another as sweat perspired on their skin. Faith let out a long gasp when Elise jerked her hips a certain way. “You gonna come for me?” She muttered in her ear, “Gonna make me come?”

“Mmhmm.” Faith wrapped her arms around Elise again, their breasts touching and nipples barely grazing one another at the tips. Faith started rolling her hips upward uncontrollably.

“What are you feeling right now?” Elise gasped, licking her lips as she felt that familiar pressure rise in the pit of her stomach.

“Your clit it’s against mine and your hairs and wetness. You’re so good, Elise. Your moans are making me want to cum.” 

“Oh yeah, dirty girl. You gonna cum for me now?” Her heart was pounding fast and her eyes were closed shut and she was going to- “Cause I’m-“ Elise was overcome with so much pleasure, she was cumming like a train. “I’m cumming! I’m cumming for you!” Her hips were jerking around in all directions, Faith followed with her own hips and she wrapped her legs around Elise and tipped her over. The both of them grinding down on one another still, orgasmic bliss running through them, both screaming in pleasure. Faith came again, Elise grabbing her thigh and pulling her closer to draw out the younger woman’s second orgasm. Faith’s eyes never leaving Elise’s as she made her cum as well. 

In the end the both of them laid beside each other; several hours later and they had cum too many times to count. Elise had pulled out her dildo, pushing it into Faith with such precision and intensity. The two woman held each other in the end and laughed with one another. Faith said she had to go. They took a relaxing shower together and then said goodbye.

“That was really great, Elise. I loved every second and if you ever need some release again, I’m here for you.”

“Same goes for you, anytime.” They hugged each other and as Faith left, John was standing in the door way glaring at her. Elise leaned against the door frame and smirked at him, he was absolutely furious and she was loving every second of it. He crossed his arms, his jaw tightening as he looked her up and down. “Yes?” She smugly responded, on too high of a cloud to worry about John. He was all the way down on earth and she didn’t need him. 

“What was that?” He seethed, pointing after Faith.

“That was called some sisterly bonding time.”

“Didn’t sound like it to me.” He suddenly looked as if he was no longer angry, his expression holding that of looseness. “I didn’t take you to be that...” He emphasized ‘that’ with a firm tone, “type.” Before this encounter with Faith, Elise would have called herself straight. Now she knew, she wasn’t just straight. She was definitely...

“Well I’m bisexual so. Nothing wrong with being attracted to the same sex.”

“Hmm.” John looked like he was reminiscing over something, but he shook his head. 

“Do you have a problem, John?”

“I’m just-“

“What I do is none of your business. Faith and I were having a moment of release, I needed that.”

“Jesus Christ, you’re still drunk.” Elise wasn’t going to let him drag her down from her happy place, no, no, not one bit.

“You’re just jealous, John.” His hands dropped and they clenched, they balled into fists and he snarled. She thought he was going to explode and instead his shoulders loosened and his expression turned stoic.

“No, not jealous. Hurt.” No! He can’t do that to her! He can’t! Was this some game of manipulation?! In all honesty she had been manipulating him too, using his kindness to get what she wanted lately. 

“You have no right to tell me that. No right at all.” She didn’t want to be as calm as she was portraying herself as right now. She wanted to scream at him and punch him in the face. 

“I know I don’t, but I figured that we had become close enough again that if you needed help or comfort you would come to me.”

“Not this type of comfort, not anymore.”

“Do you love me still?” Did he not remember their little talk with one another? Where she told him how much she loved him and how much she would never ever stop loving him. She was afraid of him leaving her again, it was simple as that. She simply wasn’t sure of telling him how she felt sober would be anymore productive than when she wasn’t.

“I don’t know what to tell you. I can’t get hurt again.”

“Fine, I see how it is.” He shook his head and looked up at the ceiling with his hands on his hips in frustration.

“I gave up everything for you. My fiancè, the firm, my reputation.” She hoped that would tell him enough and that he might understand and voice his love for her in some form of sacrifice. 

“I didn’t ask you too.” John turned and left down the hall and that glow that she felt about herself was gone. Boy did she wish she was a lesbian in that moment.


	8. Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning! Wishes of death and suicidal thoughts.

Things were tense during the family dinner, this was a dinner strictly among the heralds as it was Jacob’s birthday. Joseph refused to let Jacob be in peace, no matter how many times Jacob protested. He was still here though, here with his family and a huge cake in front of him but he didn’t need to be. It was silent the entire dinner, with brief conversation between Faith and Joseph and Elise. Jacob was always quiet, unless he was talking about business and John just wasn’t in a good mood. Elise knew why. 

He wouldn’t stop glaring at Faith, giving her the side eye and every word he spoke was venom being indirectly sent to her via bullshit. Joseph crowned his hands and tried to be sweet. Enjoy the cake, what about the pie and the other delicious entrees upon the table. Jacob didn’t eat much, he hated sweets but it was Elise and Faith that probably ate a good portion of everything.

“Sweet potatoes, Faith?”

“Sure thing, give me a lot of them.” This was something that could be characterized as Gluttony but Joseph didn’t say a single admonishment and he too was being silent.

“So John told me about something? Some interesting news.” Both Faith and Elise shot each other looks of fear before Joseph finished with what he was going to say. “The letter, John said you received a letter. What was it about?” Oh, Elise tried not to reveal how relieved she was to hear that John hadn’t spoken a word of the events that happened a week ago in her bedroom. 

“Yes, I have an older brother.” Joseph clapped his hands together and rejoiced. 

“This is fantastic news, Elise. I would have thought you'd be more amiable to sharing it with the family. What word did he send you?”

“Well, he told me about his life. Why he left and how he found me, he was looking for me for a long time.”

“Tell us about him.” Joseph demanded, his voice was cheerful but the type of voice he gave to people with no choice. 

“Um... His name is Malcolm, he’s a Deputy.”

“Pig.” Jacob muttered under his breath, Elise raised an eyebrow at him and then continued to speak.

“He was in the army for ten years.” That caused Jacob to bounce back a little, but he wasn’t going to take back his previous statement. “And he went to medical school to become a doctor.”

“But you aren’t pleased?” Joseph knew, he always knew. she enjoyed the conversations she had with him because he had so much wisdom in his brain. It was hard not to see how people had born him to be a prophet. 

“He mentioned some things in his letter...” She felt like her throat was closing up. “That really hit me. I was only three when he left, but I don’t remember him and my parents never talked about him. I’ve just been going through a lot of emotions lately, things that I can’t really control and then he shows up out of nowhere and it’s just hard.”

“It’s okay, Elise, you know we are here for you. Did you send him a letter back?”

“I did.” John suddenly was so intrigued by this, Elise had sent the letter without him knowing. He lifted his head and sat up straighter.

“And what did you say?”

“I told him about my life and how much I have grown from my experiences. I told him where I was and what we do here at Eden’s Gate. I told him that I wanted to meet him. I wanted to start a connection with him.”

“That’s good, isn’t it John?” Joseph was so smart. Nothing could go past him. John forced a smile and nodded his head.

“It’s spectacular.” He deadpanned. 

Joseph wanted her to give him updates on her sibling, telling Elise that it was important that she guide him to Eden’s Gate and for him to become a part of it. She didn’t understand why he was so involved in this sibling, but she wasn’t against bringing Malcolm into their cult. She wanted to know her brother and spend more time with him. This was her blood relative, the last one to her knowledge, and she wasn’t going to allow anything to get in the way of them being together. There was, of course, an underlying fear in her from all the loss she experienced in her life. Far different from the fear she had when she thought of giving herself to John again and being with him and then losing him too. She couldn’t get close to Malcolm only for him to die, she couldn’t handle that much pain.

The drive back was agonizing, John was huffing and puffing the entire time. She wasn’t in the mood to fight with him, but she did ache for his touch. She reached across the console and grabbed his hand, where he quite violently snatched it away from her. 

“What’s your problem?”

“You sent him a letter?!” That angered her, but she didn’t allow that rage to come out.

“I did, he’s my brother John. If you didn’t want me to get in contact with him you should have never told Joseph, Joseph would have told me to send him a letter back anyways.”

“I never told Joseph.” John was lying to her, he was really and truly lying to her. Did this man ever learn from his mistakes? He wanted her back so badly and he thought lying was going to do it.

“What the fuck, John! I’ve been really conflicted about trusting you lately-“ 

“I’m not lying!” He grabbed the steering wheel tighter, his eyes narrowed on the road. Elise glanced over at him to see for herself and he wasn’t lying. He was legit aggravated about this and she wasn’t sure why.

“Why are you so upset?”

“A year ago Joseph spoke of a vision he had had, a reoccurring one.” John sighed, his temper simmering down only a little. “He called it the prophecy. At the beginning, before the collapse, one, corrupted by sin, would come and try to destroy everything we’ve done here and built. They would kill us all, and that if we didn’t turn them to our side. They would succeed. This would lead into the nuclear apocalypse that he speaks of.”

“What does this have anything to do with my brother, John?”

“The one was a deputy, Elise. Joseph said he saw it clearly, ‘Jameson’ written on the back of their vest. The coming of a Whitehorse.

“Why didn’t you tell me this? Jameson is my last name.” And why did she believe this? Why was she so easily swayed? This was pure insanity.

“Because I didn’t think this was going to happen. I didn’t think anything of it.”

“Do you believe this, John?” Everything went silent and all one could hear was the rumbling of the truck. 

“I do, I believe all of it.” And so she felt herself believing it too. The signs and everything, if John was telling the truth, then Jacob really was seeing it. What did that mean for her? Another family, another group of people that she cared about: Dead.

“I can’t deal with this stress anymore John, I can’t deal with the fighting and the pain and I’m just always suffering. I don’t know how to make it go away. Sometimes I just want to, I want-“

“What?” John’s voice cracked slightly, he saw the tear running down her face and he didn’t know how to help her. It hurt him seeing her like this and it hurt him to know that it was all because of him. 

“I want to die. Sometimes I don’t want to be alive anymore.” He didn’t know how to respond to that, there was a lot that had changed in Elise since he had last seen her. Ever since she had came back into his life, she had been making it go crazy and making him crazy. He couldn’t lose her again, he couldn’t leave her again, she wasn’t ever going to be gone from his mind and... when he saw her again for the first time in years he hated the idea. Now he was starting to love it, welcome it, embrace it. He wanted to proof to her that he could do better and be better. He wanted to marry her and have a life with her. 

So he reached across the console as she had before when he so harshly rejected her touch. He grabbed her hand and wove her fingers through his own.

“I do too sometimes and I don’t know how to help you. The only thing I can tell you is that I’m here.”

“Are you though?” She didn’t let go of his hand, she held it like a vice. “Ever since the beginning you’ve been pushing me away. You’ve called me foul names and you have ridiculed me for everything I say and do. I needed you last week and all you offered me was alcohol and then you left.”

“I had work to do.” She laughed mirthlessly, through her tears.

“You always have work to do, always. You haven’t changed one bit. I am the one that’s always giving and that’s always been there for you.”

“You never had to, you still don’t have to. I’m a toxic person, why are you still here?”

“I’ve told you already, so many times.” He entered the ranch, slamming on the gas to go faster. “I love you. I fell in love with you the moment you threw me over your shoulder and carried me into your room. For all those years I thought you loved me too. It isn’t even about the fact that you left anymore, it’s about the fact that I came back to you and you still treat me like shit.”

“Well what do you want me to do about it?!” He shouted back at her, their hands were leaving imprints on each other. Her nails digging into his flesh, his would leave bruises behind and it was hurting. But it felt so good so they didn’t let go.

“Uh, I don’t fucking know! Maybe stop being such an asshole to me at every turn.” 

“I’ve been nice to you lately, I’ve been trying to be there for you.”

“Nice?! You know I’m not a material girl, John. You haven’t given me anything that’s meaningful.”

“You were into it. Don’t you lie! Those dresses were expensive silk and imported from France.”

“I used you to get them! And they were from Rome!”

“Okay, something meaningful. Like my dick? Is that what you want...”

“John, what the fuck are you talking about?” He just kept talking and talking, never really listening. 

“Just like what Faith and you had?! Was that meaningful? Or what you had with my fucking brother?!”

“First of all, I didn’t do anything with Jacob and second of all, you know that’s not what I fucking mean! I did things with Faith to relieve stress and feel the touch of another person again.”

“If you love me so badly, why didn’t you come to me?! Why didn’t you have sex with me?! Touch me?!

“I can’t trust you, you slimy, piece of shit!” She dropped her chin to her chest, physically trembling from all the demons she was setting free. There were so many more dancing around in her head. It was silent and then she realized that John had stopped and they were at an unfamiliar grove. She wondered where he had brought her for a moment. She unbuckled her seat belt and swung the door open to exit the vehicle. Whether they were at the ranch or not, she would run if she had to in these heels.

“I can’t stand being near you right now.” 

“Elise, Stop!” He left the truck with her, not even bothering to close the door. His coat flaps flashed out behind him as he followed her. 

“I want to talk to you! We need to settle this now!” She stopped in her tracks, causing him to bump into her from behind and the both of them nearly fell forward. 

“I don’t want to talk to you!” She recoiled away, she was stuck in a dark place in her mind and she didn’t want to be. Ever since she came back into his life he had been keeping her in that dark place and she just wanted to be free. 

“Elise, wait.” His voice was more calm and gentle, she paused in her escape and then glared over her shoulder. “I thought we could talk, not walk away from our problems.”

“John, you’re an idiot!” She exclaimed, “You brought us out into the middle of wilderness, in the middle of the night, so that we could talk.”

“You lock yourself in your room every time we have an argument, I’m not letting you run away this time.”

“It’s because I’m tired of this. I’m tired of fighting like this. Is this what it would have been like had you shown your true colors around me years ago? We never argued this bad when we were together before.”

“That’s because things weren’t like this before.”

“What does that even mean? I would have gone to the ends of the earth for you. If you had asked me I would have come here with you and I wouldn’t have asked any questions.”

“I’ve hurt you, we know this and I continue to hurt you and yet you keep coming back to me.” 

“Ha, it’s almost like you’ve been doing it intentionally.” She sarcastically replied, but the look on his face said otherwise. “Have-“ Why? How? What was he doing? “Have you? On purpose?”

“Yes.” His favorite word, his favorite word and he says it to this. She wished he hadn’t but he does and he does without hesitation. 

“So-“

“Yes.” Three yeses and she knew how valuable they were, and what each one meant and how they were all different. “I did it to protect you and I have to be honest, I can’t do it anymore.” Was he lying to her? This entire time he had been putting up an act of hatred, calling her names and basically spitting on her mentally so that she could leave him. She couldn’t be too hopeful. He was doing it to protect her? She needed more answers. 

“From what?”

“From myself.” The atmosphere suddenly felt cold and dim, the darkness that surrounded this little circle of light was all they had. The only thing that was there to save them were the headlights of John’s truck. “I am not a good man, Elise, and even though you’ve seen how terrible of a man I can be you continue to stay. Do you like being abused? I tried to be nice, but bribing you with gifts and goodnight's is aggravating."

“I stay because I love you.”

“I know and what will it take to make you fall out of love with me? I kill people now, I torture people and cut their skin and you want to be with a man like me still?”

“I’m confused, John. You’ve been pushing me away this entire time but then you want me to be with you?” She was about to call bullshit, but his response was far better than another argument. 

“That’s what it’s come to. If I can’t protect you from myself then I’m gonna have to stop trying.” 

“Protect me from what? The man I love is not a monster, he's lost his way but he isn't a monster. You’ve hurt me too hard to make me think that this is why you’ve done all these horrible things to me. This can’t be your only motive.”

“Why not?”

“Because you hurt me so bad.” She held a hand up to her chest and clenched it into a fist. “If you had known how much I fear losing you, you’d have stopped the moment you tried to leave me that night so many years ago.” 

“You didn’t deserve this life and I couldn’t do this to you. This life isn’t normal, Elise.”

“You’re such a fucking idiot, you know that?”

“Is it enough to make you leave?”

“No, it isn’t.” She turned her back to him and tried to get a hold of herself. “When you came into my life again you didn’t want me, that hurt me. When I joined Eden’s Gate you rejected me again, that hurt me. Now you are telling me that you did all of that to get me to leave.” He surprised her when he laid down on the ground beside her and stared up at the stars with her. 

“I am an idiot.” The great John Seed just admitted something he would never admit again. “And I know now that you aren’t going anywhere and now that I have you, I don’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you.”

“You better not be lying to me, John Seed. If you so much as hurt me ever again I am going to fucking cut your dick up into little pieces and feed it to a cow.” She wasn’t joking, she was a hundred percent gonna do it. He hadn’t made his sacrifice but she was going to give him his second chance anyways. Not because he deserved it but because she loved him and she hated herself for it. She had too much going on to continue worrying about whether he loved her or not. She would always wonder until the day he proofed himself to her again, but she would force herself to be content with this. 

“You know, talking to you about my past really brought some things out in me.”

“I know, I see it every day.”

“And I don’t know what to do about it.”

“We’ll take it as it comes. The hardest part is forgetting your past.”

“Is that why you don’t want me to talk to my brother?”

“I’m afraid that it will be the start of the collapse and I’ve become comfortable with what we have here. I don’t want any of this to be taken away from us.” He was being super honest with her tonight, so it seemed, and he didn’t need alcohol for that. It was quiet and she closed her eyes, listened to the sound of John’s breath and the wilderness around them. “Do I have trouble being sentimental?” He said among the silence.

“John, you are a fucking drama queen. Please stop trying to proof otherwise.”


End file.
